Hi there, I'm applying to USC as an "undecided" major student and would love feed back and edits of my response to USC's short essay especially my grammar!! Your help would be greatly appreciated! The prompt is: "Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections (250 word limit)".
From a young age, my father has tremendously influenced me as he strongly encouraged and instilled in me the desire to develop a caring nature, curious mind and to grasp any learning opportunities available. He epitomizes and supports the notion: "one never stops learning until one dies".
As a result, from the world of music, psychology to business, I have developed interests in diverse fields, which makes career choices that more challenging; however, USC's flexible curriculum really proves that learning has no boundaries.
In 2013, I discovered one of my interests during my work experience at Unilever and PricewaterhouseCoopers (PWC), which lies in the business field. From those three days I spent at Unilever, I gained an understanding of their marketing finance, customer finance and financial accounting functions. I was intrigued by the detailed operations and admired the financial managers of their in-depth knowledge of the financial industry. Having experienced this myself, I believe that one significantly grows from these invaluable experiences. Hence, with the numerous developmental programs offered at USC, I believe taking part in similar programs is key in setting up a solid understanding and foundation of skills required in any career.
USC having an extensive number of majors, minors and community service opportunities, is the ideal college to quench my inquisitive nature and strong desire to give back to the community. I believe USC offers me the potential to fulfill my goals and achieve success.
From a young age, my I feel that too many of these essays begin with 'Since a young age..." and it's not helpful.
Also, the way you wrote it is awkward because it implies that your father has influenced you since hewas young.
I suggest: My father has tremendously influenced me as he strongly instilled in me the desire to develop a caring nature and a curious mind, and he encouraged me to grasp any all learning opportunities available. He epitomizes and ...
As a result, from the world of music to those of psychology and business, I have...
It's important to add a few specific examples of goals you want to achieve during your first year... short-term goals, not vague ideas about 'giving back to the community' or quenching a thirst for knowledge.. these could apply no matter what school you attend. Is there a particular prof whose articles/books inspire you? Is there a special program or club you plan to join? See if you can tell the reader some examples of GREAT opportunities offered by this particular school. That way, the reader will feel some emotional pressure to give you this opportunity.
: )
I think it may be benefiial for you to specifically touch upon what brought about your interest in whatever your choice of majors are. Maybe delve into a specific instance where you became certain that psychology was the path for you to pursue. Also as EF_Kevin has said, it would be to your benefit to cite specific classes and professors and talk about how that would quench your thirst for knowledge in the pursuit f those subjects. Good Luck!
It my understanding from the prompt requirements that you must and have to present at least 2 possible course majors that you wish to take in the realm that interests your the most. While your essay proves to be an interesting read, it does not really tell us what your possible majors are. Normally a student is torn between a number of majors in his field of interest. In your case, you spent a great deal of time detailing your experience at Pricewaterhouse so I suggest that you present a discussion of your two possible business majors. Your possible majors stem anywhere from Business Administration to Economics, both of which, you were surely exposed to during that time interning at the company. As an "undeclared" major, you are just not sure about what major you want to take, your field of interest however, should be clearly defined. That will make it easier to expand in a way upon your possible "Jack of all trades, master of none" discussion as an "undecided" major by giving it at the very least, a centered field of interest and making it easier for the admissions officer to understand where your possible career might be headed as a future USC student.
Thank you so much for your insightful comments and suggestion! I really appreciate it and I will definitely look into that and make adjustments to my essay.
