I have tried the topic "describe the person who had impact on ur life". I hope someone could help me edit the essay and most importantly point out the errors!! I know this essay is about 600 words, perhaps you may help me cut it further. in addition, may i know if my essay reveal much about myself? Thank anyone for viewing and commenting on the essay!!
Your response is highly appreciated!!
My Mom
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My Mom
When I saw this topic, delineating the most influential person in my life, I thought over and over again. Many great figures had surfaced in my mind. The genius stockbroker Ivan Boesky and Carl Icahn, the former showed me how to release the beast of greed inside ourselves and the later demonstrated the amazing tricks in security and fund management; the ancient philosopher Confucius whose wisdom advised on my behavior. Those personalities had, have and will always have startling impact on my ideology, behaviors and spirit. However when I tried to write about any one of them, I realized their impact is pertinent to only one or few aspects of my growth. There should be one person whom I have missed, but who have always been the essential part of my livelife . I think that person should be my mother.
Since the day I started remembering something, I was carried in her arms, listening to her whispering verse and poem. The actual scene on that day was already blurred, but the poem and mom's lovely smiles wereare still fresh in my mind. I was growing under my mother's pamper.
My mom has a strong sense of responsibility over my education. Since I was young, she tried to impart me with words of wisdom. Every Friday night, my family would stay together and watched some documentaries about important historic figures or events. I still remembered the first documentary I ever watched was about Wall Street's financiers and bankers. After seeing the video, she told me that "No matter what you want to be in the future, you should always have a dream. Even if your dream is too peculiar and impossible to achieve, you should strive and try to get it. Then your existence has some meaning. Mom will always support you." Through 6 years of Friday-documentary time, I have come to value what I have learnt about world history, politics and culture, as well as my family and myself. In addition, I appreciate Ivan Boesky's claim "I think greed is healthy. You can be greedy and still feel good about yourself" the most. Everyone has the beast of greed, it is the prime motive for improvement and progress.
My mom's words could always be counted on . She promised that she would support my dream, she really did so. No matter what kind of decision I made, she supported without any compromises. She never intervened in my decision-making, but warned that I should be responsible for my own choices and never regret for any decisions made. I was a grown-up man, since young.
There is definitely no doubt ofabout how much my mom loves me, but her love never guides me to the wrong road. My family is very traditional, soin which every family member is bound to certain codes and values, among which integrity and courage are the most praised among those values . As a ten- year- old boy , I lied to my mom about my test scores in fear of being punished by the bad scores . Mom looked into my eyes, and gave a slap on the face. She knew I was lying. Without further to saying a word , she walked away and never spoke to me the entire day. I could sense the disappointment on her face. I made a great mistake. Scores and grades could be made up by hard work. If one's integrity is flawed, the stain would never be cleaned.
Mom's love is so great that I could never pay back. She may be an ordinary Chinese housewife just as other millions in someone's perspective, but she is the greatest in my eyes.