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'Mom did so many things with her life' - Common app- influential person



22kcox 5 / 22  
Jan 1, 2012   #1
does it sound too unoriginal?? help please! will return the favor! thanks in advance!!!

Throughout life we are given people who leave a distinct mark on us. This person is extraordinary and when given time to reflect, the specific details about that one person emerge and we understand how he or she truly impacts our own lives. Without hesitation, my mother has impacted my life in the past and will continue to influence me in the future.

Mom did so many things with her life that most other mothers cannot compare. Her past is colored by an abusive father and a mother who allowed it all to occur. This is why she left home at 17 to join the Navy and make a better life for herself. And she did just that! She married my dad, and then was discharged from the Navy when found pregnant with me. Continuing life as a stay at home mom, she made sure her children received the best education and were raised right. Life seemed perfect. But abuse crept back in her life at the hands of my dad, and Mom again found herself fleeing to pursue a better life, not only for herself, but for her children-for me.

Being the main provider, my mother had to get a job to support her three children. She tried to earn as much income as she could while also being available to raise and nurture us. For the majority of my life, I have watched my mother work at least two jobs at a time just to provide for us. She never gave up no matter how much the world demanded of her. Mom's ambition and desires truly motivate her to provide for her family she loves so much.

My drive comes from Mom. I have firsthand witnessed her ambition at work. Although Mom struggled both financially and emotionally all my life, she never let that deter her from doing her absolute best. She gently pushed me to excel in school so that I could fulfill my dreams. Her belief in me to succeed and the will power that I saw in her, motivated me achieve my goals. I, then, dedicated myself to obtaining my goals, with college being one of them. Mom taught me that hard work pays off just as it had with her, and that I needed to help others just as she had helped me. With this in mind, I began a journey where academic achievement and servant leadership travel together. I plan to use my journey and successes to share with others so that together we can change the world for the better

RiceAllTheWhey 3 / 16  
Jan 1, 2012   #2
I think you would do well to show how she has influenced you, not her life.

Overall, very touchy. I'm sure other have had mom's with tough lives, but the essay sounds sincere and true.
Best of luck!

Help in return? JHU short essay.
heatherqwer 1 / 1  
Jan 1, 2012   #3
very original! i like the way you show how she overcame and
also included how you yourself are overcoming because of her help.

its personal which is good

help in my essay please!
inkraven 3 / 4  
Jan 1, 2012   #4
I agree with RiceAllTheWhey. You have a great topic, but I think you need a greater focus on yourself rather than your mom. You should include a specific example of when your mom drove to done a positive thing. Not just general things like "she motivated me to reach my goals". What goals, specifically?

But make no mistake, this is good essay! Best of luck!
soufianelaouad 3 / 27  
Jan 7, 2012   #5
ask yourself if anybody else can write this essay if not you succeeded

other than that, Amazing Work !
I am a high school student who wants to pursue Electrical or mechanical engineering at Purdue Next year.
Please look at the Last essay I just posted its about engineering and my future at purdue
thank you


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