This is my main common application essay. I chose to write about an ethical dilemma and its impact on me. I really need help because the deadline is approaching. I still don't know if this essay cuts it. Please comment on everything from content to grammar. I appreciate all help and criticisms! Thank you!
Whenever I used to read about fictional and real-life tragic heroes, the fatal character flaws always seemed obvious and avoidable. It was easy to say I would have done the right thing. However, I did not realize my naiveté until one of my "beliefs" was tested.
Halfway through my junior basketball season, The Atlanta Chronicle featured Monique and me smiling on the front page of the "Athlete Spotlight" section. The article reads, "Best friends and long-time teammates complement each other and lead their team to victories." However, behind the smiles, the once flourishing relationship was deteriorating.
Before the season, we were excited about having a successful year and attracting college scouts. For years, we had been good friends who always worked together. But that year, she began to compete more against me than our opponents to gain attention from scouts. She would force up low probability shots at the expense of the team.
I always valued teamwork, but Monique was causing my statistics to drop. Consequently, I was tempted to focus on my own scoring. I continued to pass her the ball without reciprocity, but tensions were intensifying.
Monique's play was also team debilitating. Others grumbled and began to play more individually. I had to decide whether to play for myself, do nothing, or really address the situation. Teamwork is imperative to winning, and winning is most important to me. So, as point guard and captain, not attempting to remedy the situation would have been a failure of leadership. I was reluctant because addressing conflicts can be intimidating, especially with a friend. Finally, I decided to confront Monique and attempt to regain successful teamwork.
We talked privately, but our conversations were only partially effective. She seemed to understand, but never adjusted her play. After losing to a beatable team by twenty points, teammates complained to me about Monique. The team was on the verge of collapse. I was extremely frustrated, but I cared too much about the team to give up.
So, I tried harder. Before our next game, I delivered a speech. First, I encouraged the team to play calmly and confidently since we had gotten down early in the last few games. Then, I praised each individual. I told one of our forwards how she could help us by enforcing her great strength in the paint. I told Monique she was an exceptional player and asked her to be patient and take open shots. I encouraged her to work the ball around until she or someone else could get a quality shot. I concluded by emphasizing smart play, hustle, communication, and teamwork. My comments were well received, and we played an excellent game. Although we lost by three points, the game was a progression because teamwork was not our limiting factor.
Monique never completely came around, but our team did finish strong and we made the state play-offs. Notwithstanding this success, I feel regret when I think about how much better our team could have been if we had truly worked together.
My mom counted down from three as Monique and I were flaunting our ten and under league championship trophies. I'm glad my mom captured that moment and countless others of us, so I can always hold onto the good memories. As for the bad memories, I have forgiven Monique, and we are still friends, but, unfortunately, less than we once were.
Asserting my belief in teamwork was more difficult than I had imagined, and, to some, the choices I made probably seem straightforward. Still, now, I am more forgiving, and sympathize for those who err and are then torn to shreds. I have learned that many of my beliefs are only ideologies because they have not yet been sufficiently tested. For, the only way to validate a belief is to carry it out even at the expense of individual ambition. I confirmed my belief in teamwork by resisting the urge to play selfishly and working to improve team collaboration. This commitment is valuable because I will be a part of many groups throughout college and life.
Whenever I used to read about fictional and real-life tragic heroes, the fatal character flaws always seemed obvious and avoidable. It was easy to say I would have done the right thing. However, I did not realize my naiveté until one of my "beliefs" was tested.
Halfway through my junior basketball season, The Atlanta Chronicle featured Monique and me smiling on the front page of the "Athlete Spotlight" section. The article reads, "Best friends and long-time teammates complement each other and lead their team to victories." However, behind the smiles, the once flourishing relationship was deteriorating.
Before the season, we were excited about having a successful year and attracting college scouts. For years, we had been good friends who always worked together. But that year, she began to compete more against me than our opponents to gain attention from scouts. She would force up low probability shots at the expense of the team.
I always valued teamwork, but Monique was causing my statistics to drop. Consequently, I was tempted to focus on my own scoring. I continued to pass her the ball without reciprocity, but tensions were intensifying.
Monique's play was also team debilitating. Others grumbled and began to play more individually. I had to decide whether to play for myself, do nothing, or really address the situation. Teamwork is imperative to winning, and winning is most important to me. So, as point guard and captain, not attempting to remedy the situation would have been a failure of leadership. I was reluctant because addressing conflicts can be intimidating, especially with a friend. Finally, I decided to confront Monique and attempt to regain successful teamwork.
We talked privately, but our conversations were only partially effective. She seemed to understand, but never adjusted her play. After losing to a beatable team by twenty points, teammates complained to me about Monique. The team was on the verge of collapse. I was extremely frustrated, but I cared too much about the team to give up.
So, I tried harder. Before our next game, I delivered a speech. First, I encouraged the team to play calmly and confidently since we had gotten down early in the last few games. Then, I praised each individual. I told one of our forwards how she could help us by enforcing her great strength in the paint. I told Monique she was an exceptional player and asked her to be patient and take open shots. I encouraged her to work the ball around until she or someone else could get a quality shot. I concluded by emphasizing smart play, hustle, communication, and teamwork. My comments were well received, and we played an excellent game. Although we lost by three points, the game was a progression because teamwork was not our limiting factor.
Monique never completely came around, but our team did finish strong and we made the state play-offs. Notwithstanding this success, I feel regret when I think about how much better our team could have been if we had truly worked together.
My mom counted down from three as Monique and I were flaunting our ten and under league championship trophies. I'm glad my mom captured that moment and countless others of us, so I can always hold onto the good memories. As for the bad memories, I have forgiven Monique, and we are still friends, but, unfortunately, less than we once were.
Asserting my belief in teamwork was more difficult than I had imagined, and, to some, the choices I made probably seem straightforward. Still, now, I am more forgiving, and sympathize for those who err and are then torn to shreds. I have learned that many of my beliefs are only ideologies because they have not yet been sufficiently tested. For, the only way to validate a belief is to carry it out even at the expense of individual ambition. I confirmed my belief in teamwork by resisting the urge to play selfishly and working to improve team collaboration. This commitment is valuable because I will be a part of many groups throughout college and life.
