My mother had breast cancer/ COMMON APP

I was only in the third grade when my mother discovered she had breast cancer. I did not understand what cancer meant, how my mother would be affected or how it could change me. As a young girl, I didn't realize the consequences of having cancer. As time passed and as my mother went through surgery and treatment, I was able to notice the changes in her appearance and her health. Some nights, she would sleep with me and we would have small talks. I remember her telling me that maybe one day she wouldn't be in my life anymore. I remember her asking me why she was chosen to have cancer. I remember her saying that she didn't feel like a real woman anymore.

What did she do to deserve this? Why did God have to put her through this obstacle? When would she get better? These were the questions that I asked myself over and over again. But eventually, I realized that having cancer was neither punishment nor fate. My mother having cancer was a lesson for my entire family. We learned that life is not about where we come from, how we look, or how much money we earn. Instead, life is about being grateful for everything we have, overcoming hurdles we face along the way and lending a hand to those in need.

Although I don't understand what it is like to be a cancer patient, I realize the hardships that they face. I learned that support from doctors, friends and family played an essential role to helping my mother overcome cancer. Hence, I was motivated to become someone who could help families that go through similar difficulties. When my mother had cancer, I realized that I had taken my health for granted. I told myself that I would learn to take care of myself as well as others. Nobody can avoid illness; however, we can take action to help those suffering from them.

I promised myself to be a person who could make a difference in someone's life when they experienced illness, self-doubt or hopelessness. In fact, her experience motivated me to become an oncologist. I realized that being able to instill positivity to people with cancer was a heroic act. Being able to save lives and prove that there is always hope for recovery through cancer has become my ambition. My mother's experience made me grateful for every oncologist who was able help their patients battle against cancer. It showed me that this is what I wanted to pursue in the future; I wanted to save people suffering from cancer just like the oncologist who saved my mother's life. I told myself that I would further my education and eventually become the oncologist that would take any cancer patient one step closer to victory; I told myself that I could create change for the better.

I would definitely say it goes under the "person who influenced" you prompt. I noticed you say the word "cancer" a lot. You might consider changing some of these to "the disease," etc. to make the essay flow a bit better and seem a little less repetitive at times.

I think it goes under the the first topic: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. Because this dicision that you want to become an oncologist is because of an experience rather than a person.

Please review my essay :)

I believe this would go under experience, since you talk about how CANCER, not your mother, has affected you.

Maybe: the road of cancer?
FROM CANCER TO ONCOLOGIST?

You mom is really a good mom.

Wouldn't it fit under this topic: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I think your content is good. You may want to review it sentence my sentence to improve some of the vocabulary and sophistication of your essay. For example, you may want to replace "remember" with"recall". Or instead of saying "These were the questions that I asked myself over and over again." what about "These questions grappled with over and over again."?

I hope I helped! Can you please review my essay?

I think this goes best with the first prompt: Evaluate a significant experience (which would be how your mother found out she had cancer). I think you're telling a little too much; you could try writing about a personal memory you have of how you tried to comfort your mother during those hard times. It's a tough topic to write about but you could really impact and pull on your audience's heartstrings by talking about how difficult it was to see your mother in so much pain!

My mom battled with Cancer; Columbia supplement - which field and why?

Rough draft. Still need that spark, I feel. Help please?

See Below

You use "grow" too often in your passage. Consider replacing with something more creative, i.e., "this major cultivated my interest in biology" or something similar to avoid sounding repetitive. For example, "start to grow interest" could be substituted with a less awkward phrase.

Being part of the bio-technical engineering major is a worthwhile experience. I learned about
To sound less mechanical, connect your phrases and make your passage flow.


Be more sure about how Oncology relies on technology in order to develop the field.
The first part of your second sentence sounds cheesy, explain more how these majors will provide a foothold for your eventually going into oncology.

Overall, you wrote this passage pretty well, I would just adjust my wording in several places to avoid awkward phrasing, sounding mechanical, and sounding cliche.

Also, you need to elaborate in that final sentence. It's a little too abrupt of an ending, and it's a little too cliche.

Thanks for the suggestion. rewriting now :)

.... I'm going to suggest a different way of telling this idea;
After seeing my mother's battle with cancer, I wanted to become somebody who could contribute to help relieve the pain of cancer patients.


.... I guess you should present this more direct and in a simple tone;
This led to my keen interest in biology and I eventually selected "bio-technical engineering" as my major in the high school.