Mother inspiration, Artificial world - Stanford - Intellectual Vitality

Hi guys! Please please please help me!! I am applying to Stanford through Questbridge, and the application is due tonight!!! If you help, I will help you (:

What matters to you, and why? (250 word limit.)
My mother is my inspiration; I wish I could be more like her. She makes minimum wage as a waitress at a dim sum restaurant. Having never gone to college herself, she is the one that pushes me to do better in school and attain a higher education. She does not want me to end up having a job like hers. Even though we are low-income, my mother has never made me feel like it. She has done so much for me; she was the one who got me a piano teacher, who got me into Chinese school and got me tutoring when I was younger and struggling in classes. When my dad got a stroke, she quit work to take care of him. My father was angry because of his condition and sometimes would take it out on her; in one of their worst fights, he yelled that they should get a divorce. Despite all that, she stuck by his side. My dad and I have always had a rocky relationship. The littlest of things can set him off and when that happens, he says the most awful things. As a result, I sometimes would just really detest him. I told my mom about my feelings, and she said to not focus on all his negative characteristics. At first I was angry that she was defending him, but eventually I realized she was right. No matter what, he is my father and I love him. My dad cooks my favorite foods, worries about me, nags me, and brags about me. He does care about me, in his own way. My family is what matters to me most. (278)

Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. (250 word limit.)
The idea that we can make an artificial world similar to our own is very interesting. I first became interested in virtual reality when I watched a show in which the main characters were trapped in a highly realistic virtual reality game. I started to really wonder about both the feasibility and the practical applications of virtual environments, and started to research on the subject. To me, it is amazing that scientists and engineers are trying to create a world like ours. It seems almost impossible to make a highly realistic three-dimensional world where the user can see, feel, hear touch and smell, a world in which the user can interact with the environment and speak to computer programs that emulate real people. However, virtual environments are still not very sophisticated as of today. Enhancing virtual reality is a great engineering challenge, which is why it intrigues me greatly. For example, how does one reproduce the sense of touch or smell? What is also amazing is that virtual reality also has practical applications. It has been used to treat mental-health disorders, aid physical and mental rehabilitation, and train healthcare providers. I would love to develop and experience a realistic virtual environment. I not only want to satisfy my curiosity but help others through the creation of a refined virtual environment.

(228)

I am especially worried with my intellectual vitality essay. Did I answer the prompt correctly??? Do I show "intellectual vitality" (whatever that is? I am not quite sure) ?

Your first essay is very powerful. I think that near the end, although you are conveying strong emotion, you should focus it into a solid point. The second half of the essay lacked form. What I would do is try to talk about the duality of your respect for your father and your distain for the way he acts sometimes, rather than saying things such as "The littlest of things can set him off and when that happens, he says the most awful things. As a result, I sometimes would just really detest him. I told my mom about my feelings, and she said to not focus on all his negative characteristics." Maybe something like "His short temper frustrates me, and I've gone through periods of intense anger towards him. My mother taught my the value of focusing on the positive characteristics of my father, and by appreciating him despite his occasional rage, my relationship with my father has been strengthened." This is just my input, and you probably shouldn't use my poor writing.

The second essay is okay, but you are not focusing enough on the the second aspect of the question, which speaks of the effect of your experience on your intellectual development. Yes, virtual environments are fascinating, but you should add a sentence or two about how they relate to you in particular.

I feel your pain. Mine is due tonight as well. For your first essay I think you should have a stronger conclusion that ties the topic back to you. The second one i can't give you much advice on since I am struggling with it myself. Good luck on your apps

As another member applying to Stanford tonight I thought I could help. I was confused about the intellectual vitality prompt for awhile. Stanford's website has a little paragraph about it on their website:

We want to see your commitment, dedication and genuine interest in expanding your intellectual horizons; both in what you write about yourself and in what others write on your behalf. We want to see the kind of curiosity and enthusiasm that will allow you to spark a lively discussion in a freshman seminar and continue the conversation at a dinner table. We want to see the energy and depth of commitment you will bring to your endeavors, whether that means in a research lab, while being part of a community organization, during a performance or on an athletic field. We want to see the initiative with which you seek out opportunities that expand your perspective and that will allow you to participate in creating new knowledge.

Your topic is fine. Just try to edit it to make it a little less about the ideas of a virtual reality and more about how you are passionate about a virtual reality and want to contribute to developments in this field.

In any case, good luck to all my fellow Stanford applicants!

Even with our low earnings, my mother never let me feel like that.


When my dad had a stroke she quit work to take care of him


.... I think the latter part is too much detailed. You should have conveyed the idea, but not too much details on it;
My father was depressed over his condition and often took it out on her giving her a hard time.


Even small things make him angry and he reacts weirdly.


No matter what, he is my father and I love him. He cooks my favorite foods, worries about me and cares about me in his own way. Thanks to my mom, now I know that my family matters to me the most.

It appears that your second essay needs more of your feelings and less of what happened. Without that, the essay will be rather unimpressive to the Stanford Admissions people.

Have you already submitted your application?? If not, I have tons of suggestions I can make to you.

Yes, I already submitted the application. But thanks! (: I just totally forgot to close the thread...