"How my mother wanted me to become a reliable person." - UC Prompt 1 : My world

Prompt 1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

There are many driving forces for me to succeed like my teachers but the biggest one was my mother. She always tried to push me to become the best I could be ever since I was child. Starting in elementary school, I was enrolled in math classes on weekends. I was ecstatic about it at first but then I started to dislike it the more I went. I found the math they taught there frustrating. It always seemed tedious and took a long time. No matter how much I disliked it though, I didn't quit. I knew that the math classes were beneficial since my grades in math at school were usually above average. My mother spent thousands of dollars on my education and I just can't come out empty handed after all of that. She put a lot of faith in me so that I can have a better life. My mother does not want a life that she had in China. To encourage me in her own way, she would tell me about the hardships she had. If I ever complained about walking to school in the cold, she would tell me about how she used to walk for an hour to get to school. When she tells me stories like that, I immediately remember how grateful I should be that my life is not like that. There were many things that I disliked to do that my mother made me. She made me take many extra classes that I did not enjoy, but I knew that it was better to accept some hardships if it was beneficial. She taught me to be happy with what I have, so I never asked for much. She instilled these traits into me so that I could grow up well off. She wanted me to become a reliable person overall.

I have always been the one in my family to solve most of the technological problems. It has been that way since I got a computer. If the computer was acting abnormal, I have to go and find out what exactly is the problem. My family would be hoping that I would be able to fix it. If our phones are constantly beeping, I have to figure out what causes it and shut it off. Sometimes I am not able to figure out all their problems no matter how hard I try. If I do not know how to fix something, sometimes my family has to buy a new one. I would always feel guilty that I wasn't able to help them. I do not want to let my mother's hard earned money go to waste like that. I want to be more familiar with mechanical devices so fixing them would be an ease. I want my family to live in an easier environment knowing that they have someone to depend on when something goes wrong.

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Any help would be very helpful and appreciated! Thanks for taking your time for reading this. Applications are due in a week! If you don't have any suggestions, please tell me if the essay bored you in any way or just simply how you felt. Thanks!

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I think your essay focuses too much on your mother! I think you should write more about yourself? and what you learned from your mother!

i agree, its good that you talk about your mother but you have to bring it back to you. and also you have to connect it back to why you are writing what you wrote; why would this make the uc school want you

There are many driving forces for me to succeed like my teachers but the biggest one was my mother. She always tried to push me to become the best I could be ever since I was child. Starting in elementary school, I was enrolled in math classes on weekends. I was ecstatic about it at first but then I started to dislike it the more I went. I found the math they taught there frustrating. It always seemed tedious and took a long time. No matter how much I disliked it though, I didn't quit. I knew that the math classes were beneficial since my grades in math at school were usually above average. My mother spent thousands of dollars on my education and I just can't come out empty handed after all of that. I do not want a life that my mother had when she was in China. My life is much easier when compared to hers. There were many things that I disliked to do that my mother made me. She made me take many extra classes that I did not enjoy, but I knew that it was better to accept some hardships if it was beneficial. She taught me to be happy with what I have, so I never asked for much. She instilled these traits into me so that I could grow up well off. She wanted me to become a reliable person overall.

I have always been the one in my family to solve most of the technological problems. It has been that way since I got a computer. If the computer was acting abnormal, I have to go and find out what exactly is the problem. My family would be hoping that I would be able to fix it. If our phones are constantly beeping, I have to figure out what causes it and shut it off. Sometimes I am not able to figure out all their problems no matter how hard I try. If I do not know how to fix something, sometimes my family has to buy a new one. I would always feel guilty that I wasn't able to help them. I do not want to let my mother's hard earned money go to waste like that. I want to be more familiar with mechanical devices so fixing them would be an ease. I want my family to live in an easier environment knowing that they have someone to depend on when something goes wrong.

I have mixed feelings about my childhood. One part of me is bitter because of all the dull extra classes I had to take. The other part of me is extremely happy that my mother has shown her love for my well being. By seeing how my mother helped me, I also want to be helpful to others in the future.

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Thanks for the comment! I was thinking the same thing but I thought it might work since the prompt asked for who inspired you. I revised some sentences that seemed to be unnecessary or just filler. I also added a conclusion as well. Thanks again for helping!

I really like that you talk about your mom but i do agree with the other comments above to incorperate more about you into the essay. Overall good essay.