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'Motivation + Learn By Doing' - essays what matters / intellectual vitality



greeley 6 / 15  
Jan 1, 2012   #1
This is the one responding to what matters to you and why i need to cut some words

Motivation is what matters to me most. It is the personal quality I admire most in people and am most proud to have. I believe it is motivation that drives people to do great things. I want to be one of those people.

I consider myself a highly motivated individual; I strive for the best and have a positive outlook on life. I want to make something out of my life; going to college from a young age has been one of my dreams. It is a dream that is now in grasp. I keep college posters on my room walls to keep me motivated and remind me of what I'm working for. They all show beautiful cities and campuses that for me symbolize a world of possibilities and opportunities- a world I want to explore.

When I walked into the first class of my senior year the first thing I saw was a poster of a New York skyline above it was a lightning storm. Lightning is the symbol I associate to represent motivation. It is the symbol that I identify with myself. The word "ELECTRYING" bolded across the bottom, underneath that read "imagine having an enthusiasm that electrifies others". This poster describes a part of who I am. Helping others is an activity to which I have come to dedicate a large portion of my time.

Tutoring is the way I help others I have tutored elementary and high school students. I have learned to work with a variety of learning styles and gained a valuable quality when working with children- patience. Some of the kids appeared to have learning disabilities and would give up after not understanding the topic on hand. As a tutor that wants to ensure success into those I help I look for a different way to approach the subject. Once their face lights up is when I can see that they truly understand it- it is an outstanding feeling knowing I used my knowledge gained in school to someone else.

In connection with the poster, one experience I remember was coming across a child with a pessimistic attitude towards school. They believed their dream job was working an AMPM. Tutoring young children is an opportunity to encourage them to pursue bright futures through education

and this one is the one responding to reflect on an idea or experince that has helped your academic development

"Learn by doing" is an idea that has helped me grow as a student. What it means to me is to learn through experience; to learn from past mistakes. It is not just realizing that a mistake has been committed but actually understanding and analyzing it to learn how to correct it.

My intended field of study is engineering as an engineer their job is to design or improve an existing design to better improve its function. It was at a robotics submarine competition that I really embraced and understood the idea. From this experience I learned to work within a team for the success of our design. We came to the competition overly confident in our design. During the first test run our robot sank to the bottom with no anticipation of movement. Our spirits were crushed but we were able to take suggestions from other teams and watch their runs to improve our design and through those corrections were able tie for second place. I remember watching as one of the teams packed away and left even before the competition started. I pondered at the reasons they decided to leave; every design failed but we were ultimately able to correct those designs to ensure success.

This experience has taught me to continue one even when in a difficult situation. Science has become my best subject; chemistry and biology were not as difficult for me as physics has been. Physics for me involves a different way of thinking that is challenging. Despite its difficulty I want to succeed in the course. To do so I read the CP text to understand the basic aspects of the subject and then I read the AP text to understand the level at which the course is set. It is different experience for me but has taught me perc and has helped me succeed in the course.

crystal77 8 / 13  
Jan 1, 2012   #2
I have the same feeling about motivation. I am absolutely sure you're going to get accepted. Very strong writing. Keep it up.
Can you critique mine as well. Thx
OP greeley 6 / 15  
Jan 1, 2012   #3
Any possible corrections does it answer the prompt?
runner57 3 / 9  
Jan 1, 2012   #4
The first one is kind of confusing - i feel like you kind of jump around topics, first you say that motivation is what matters the most, but at the end it seems like tutoring and helping people is what matters the most. other than that you have good ideas but you just need to focus them better.

for the second one, just a few corrections:

My intended field of study is engineering. An engineer's job is to design or improve an existing design to better improve its function.

and then re-read the last sentence.
m7md 4 / 16  
Jan 1, 2012   #5
first one is nice second is could be better
tray avoiding wordiness like "i will be an engineer since an engineer degins stuff" part i somehow wordy i think it seems like you are stating the obvious my opnion tho

please check my essays and tell me what you think help with common app esssay URGENT!
thank you
walcotted 1 / 2  
Jan 1, 2012   #6
You use the word (or some form of) motivate five times in the essay. While I understand that it is the focus of your essay, try to use a different word now and then to give the essay variety.

Also, "I want to make something out of my life; going to college from a young age has been one of my dreams." should not have a semicolon in it.

I wouldn't say "Some of the kids appeared to have learning disabilities". I would just say they had learning disabilities.

Additionally, I would work on a stronger transition between being motivated and helping others.

Second Essay:

"What it means to me is to learn through experience; to learn from past mistakes." Shouldn't have a semicolon. A semicolon is used to connect two independent clauses, such as "Some people write with a word processor; others write with a pen or pencil."

Should be a period after "My intended field of study is engineering"

This sentence is confusing "Science has become my best subject; chemistry and biology were not as difficult for me as physics has been."
OP greeley 6 / 15  
Jan 1, 2012   #7
Ok thanks for the corrections I'm working on editing them now so i can submit
OP greeley 6 / 15  
Jan 1, 2012   #8
okay thank you yeah i didnt finish that last part of the last essay in editing all of my essays now and reviewing all the corrections to improve my essays thanks for the help
heydeanna 1 / 5  
Jan 1, 2012   #9
try to connect the ideas in both better together


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