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"Moved to Tokyo, Japan" - University of Michigan - Setback Essay



krazzikittie 8 / 23  
Oct 25, 2009   #1
Please murder the **** out of my essay:

[A] Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?

I was crying again. Sitting at my desk at 2 a.m. in the morning with a textbook I could barely understand, and desperately trying to memorize technical scientific terms in a language I could barely speak, I felt that life really was unfair.

I moved to Japan when I was 13, and was accepted to a prestigious private middle school in Tokyo. My parents were ecstatic that I was accepted, as was I, but there was one slight problem: I could not speak Japanese. However, the school was impressed by my level of English and felt that I would be an asset to their school. I knew that I very fortunate, and would need to fully take advantage of the opportunity presented before me.

Yet, I underestimated the difficulty I was about to bear. Please, expel all images of a western middle school, where fun and creativity in learning are cultivated and encouraged. Our school followed the quarter system: we had three sets of midterms and finals per year, which determined 90% of our grade. Instead of projects or plays, we had a lecture style teaching and plenty of exams. To add to the rigor, my language deficiency was enormously detrimental to my academic progress.

At first, I embraced my handicap in Japanese, and used it as an excuse. I was brought to Japan against my will, and wanted so badly to go back to America, where I had felt smart and significant. However, it soon began to dawn on me that I wasn't going to go back to America. The circumstances, as much as I wanted them to, were not going to turn in my favor.

Therefore, I needed to devise a new plan. First, I decided to focus on exams by recording lessons and by starting exam studies earlier. At age 14, I had already adopted the study habits of a high school senior, working until the wee hours of the morning and occasionally pulling all-nighters. Next, I approached my teachers for help, attending afterschool classes, or even one-on-one tutoring. The material was difficult: I had never learned most of it, and so even translating the words to English perplexed me.

And lastly, I would need to embrace a different mindset. I no longer saw my language deficiency as an excuse, but as a reason for me to work two or even three times harder than my classmates. It frustrated me to see my friends go out while I stayed in to study; and it was even more frustrating to see that even if I studied harder and longer, I still received lower grades than many of my classmates. However, I began to see my effort translate into scores. Although I was unable to excel in this school, I improved drastically; and this helped me develop valuable skills and establish an ambitious attitude which have helped me succeed in my current school, and which I hope to utilize at the University of Michigan. If again put in a situation where I feel disadvantaged, I would not recoil, because I know that every handicap must be replaced with effort and determination to not allow it to hinder my potential to succeed.

(532 words)

daisy1991 2 / 1  
Oct 25, 2009   #2
really nice essay but you have answered only half of the question. You haven't said anything about what you are going to do when you face the same circumstances again in your life?
OP krazzikittie 8 / 23  
Oct 26, 2009   #3
Ok i will be sure to add that in. I'm not really sure how it would be relevant to my set back though, i think if i had to go through the same experience again i would just FREAK OUT a lot. haha

Any more help?
EF_Stephen - / 262  
Oct 27, 2009   #4
THAT particular setback will probably never happen to you again. But there will be times in your life when you are set back anyway. I think that's what the prompt is getting at. How will you handle adversity in the future based on what you learned from the Japanese middle school adversity you faced? Will you make excuses again? Or will you remember and do the things that will help you through?
OP krazzikittie 8 / 23  
Oct 27, 2009   #5
Stephen:
Yes, i will make excuses again and whine and complain. =)

just kidding.

=======================

Also, my word count is over 500, by 32 words, will this be a very big problem? I'm thinking the best way to cut down my word count is to take out the first paragraph. What do you think?
EF_Stephen - / 262  
Oct 27, 2009   #6
Now that's a much more satisfying read. :-)

You can take the first paragraph out without damaging the essay. I'd stick as close to 500 as I could get.


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