Hello, I just finished writing my RU essay and I realize there are some flaws in it however the ideas are very concrete. I'd appreciate if you could edit the essay and specifically try to shorten it a bit (382 characters over, including spaces) and take out the unnecessary fluff so I could fit more in. Here is the topic:
"Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences."
ESSAY:
Rutgers University is not only a pristine institution that offers students educational opportunities but rather a heterogeneous community of people that all have various experiences and ideologies to share. The various different backgrounds present at Rutgers all have something unique to contribute to the community as well as new things to learn from others. This provides students with a diverse social and educational opportunity as well as a chance to contribute something from their own upbringing and culture. As a student at Rutgers, I'd be able to quench my inquisitive nature about discovering new ideas, beliefs, cultures and mindsets and then proceed to use those very things in order to not only better the environment around me but the state of the world that I live in, whether it be as close as New York City or as far as Jerusalem. Using my thorough range of knowledge, skills and experiences that I've gained throughout my high school years, I would be in an ideal position to give back and lead others in my initiative to the environment around me - both on and off campus.
Some of the most important qualities that I gained in recent years are dedication and a hard-working mindset. I came into JP Stevens High School, a place that I am proud to call my second home, as a complete stranger. I didn't care to find companionship and neither did I care about my academics too much. As time passed, I became more and more engulfed in the competitive atmosphere and developed a supportive social life, both of which played a huge role in molding me into the person that I am today. I became more and more involved with the school's extracurricular activities, joining FBLA and Key Club as an initiative to assume my responsibility as a student outside of purely academics and participate and contribute to something greater than myself. This was the first few steps towards me becoming the outgoing, responsive and dedicated individual that I am today. One of the most truly beneficial and rewarding volunteer experiences that I've had came from me deciding to take a greater role in my religious responsibilities as a Muslim and volunteer for the Muslims of Middlesex County Sunday School. In this inspiring and committed institution, I worked alongside my peers as well as the Principal, whom I consider my mentor. Throughout the countless hours of me helping to ensure that the School functioned and prospered as smoothly as possible every Sunday, I truly learned what it meant to sacrifice your time, effort and money for something and someone else. That satisfaction of waking up early to go to the School and manage the busy and, at times, chaotic management office from handling sensitive data to substituting for absent teachers for 4 and a half hours gave made me realize what it truly means to give back. It instilled in me a sense of greater responsibility that I carry deep within me every day. As time passed, I decided to extend my experience in Sunday School and take on a direct leadership role within my own school for my religion and form the JPS Muslim Student Association. I attended summer conferences on how to establish and manage such an organization as well as mobilize the appropriate friends to take responsibility and position within the club. I also realized that I needed to figure out what I wanted to do in my life and what steps I needed to take to achieve that goal. I became a volunteer in both JFK Hartwyck Hospital as well as the American Red Cross in order to gain experience and understanding of my chosen path: The medical field. I remained committed to both programs and eventually took the lead as Head Volunteer within my hospital and assumed responsibility for the rest of the volunteers.
Gifted with the opportunity to gain knowledge and experience as well as innate perseverance and dedication, I can use these qualities to both personally succeed in Rutgers as well as benefit the community around me. I plan to take an active role in the RU-MSA as well as AMSA and SOMA in order to align myself with my areas of interest and contribute what I can to further both my goals and those of my peers at my time in Rutgers.
Thanks!
"Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences."
ESSAY:
Rutgers University is not only a pristine institution that offers students educational opportunities but rather a heterogeneous community of people that all have various experiences and ideologies to share. The various different backgrounds present at Rutgers all have something unique to contribute to the community as well as new things to learn from others. This provides students with a diverse social and educational opportunity as well as a chance to contribute something from their own upbringing and culture. As a student at Rutgers, I'd be able to quench my inquisitive nature about discovering new ideas, beliefs, cultures and mindsets and then proceed to use those very things in order to not only better the environment around me but the state of the world that I live in, whether it be as close as New York City or as far as Jerusalem. Using my thorough range of knowledge, skills and experiences that I've gained throughout my high school years, I would be in an ideal position to give back and lead others in my initiative to the environment around me - both on and off campus.
Some of the most important qualities that I gained in recent years are dedication and a hard-working mindset. I came into JP Stevens High School, a place that I am proud to call my second home, as a complete stranger. I didn't care to find companionship and neither did I care about my academics too much. As time passed, I became more and more engulfed in the competitive atmosphere and developed a supportive social life, both of which played a huge role in molding me into the person that I am today. I became more and more involved with the school's extracurricular activities, joining FBLA and Key Club as an initiative to assume my responsibility as a student outside of purely academics and participate and contribute to something greater than myself. This was the first few steps towards me becoming the outgoing, responsive and dedicated individual that I am today. One of the most truly beneficial and rewarding volunteer experiences that I've had came from me deciding to take a greater role in my religious responsibilities as a Muslim and volunteer for the Muslims of Middlesex County Sunday School. In this inspiring and committed institution, I worked alongside my peers as well as the Principal, whom I consider my mentor. Throughout the countless hours of me helping to ensure that the School functioned and prospered as smoothly as possible every Sunday, I truly learned what it meant to sacrifice your time, effort and money for something and someone else. That satisfaction of waking up early to go to the School and manage the busy and, at times, chaotic management office from handling sensitive data to substituting for absent teachers for 4 and a half hours gave made me realize what it truly means to give back. It instilled in me a sense of greater responsibility that I carry deep within me every day. As time passed, I decided to extend my experience in Sunday School and take on a direct leadership role within my own school for my religion and form the JPS Muslim Student Association. I attended summer conferences on how to establish and manage such an organization as well as mobilize the appropriate friends to take responsibility and position within the club. I also realized that I needed to figure out what I wanted to do in my life and what steps I needed to take to achieve that goal. I became a volunteer in both JFK Hartwyck Hospital as well as the American Red Cross in order to gain experience and understanding of my chosen path: The medical field. I remained committed to both programs and eventually took the lead as Head Volunteer within my hospital and assumed responsibility for the rest of the volunteers.
Gifted with the opportunity to gain knowledge and experience as well as innate perseverance and dedication, I can use these qualities to both personally succeed in Rutgers as well as benefit the community around me. I plan to take an active role in the RU-MSA as well as AMSA and SOMA in order to align myself with my areas of interest and contribute what I can to further both my goals and those of my peers at my time in Rutgers.
Thanks!