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'multiple events serving my community' - FSU admission essay 2012


Jazmine21 1 / 1  
Aug 16, 2012   #1
Prompt: Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeal most to you, and why?

Throughout the years I have been introduced to a plethora of new things; good and bad. High school gives a whole new definition to peer pressure. Personally, I've never been one to follow a crowd. I'm the girl who marches to the beat of her own drummer and I take pride in it. The majority of my peers will look back on the weekend nights at football games and parties as some of the best memories of their youth. As for myself, I will reminisce on the times I spent in my churches Soup Kitchen, teaching children at Sunday school and leading my fellow employees to greater knowledge. My passion is helping others and there is no greater satisfaction than knowing my time and effort contributed to someone's happiness.

I've had the privilege to partake in multiple events in which I've served my community. Each one has brought me a great amount of pleasure, although one stands out from the rest. On a cold night in December, I stood alongside my soup kitchen colleagues, serving the homeless in our community. Amongst what seemed like hundreds of people who showed up for our services, it was one little girl who captured my attention most. At the time she was eight years old and it was her inadequate amount of clothing that left me heavyhearted. I got the opportunity to sit down and talk to this young girl, named Lily. It saddened me to learn that she was the oldest of three other children and chose to give up her clothing to her younger and more necessitous siblings. Upon leaving, I rendered her with my coat and gloves; a simple gesture that granted her much happiness and appreciation. There was no greater feeling in the world than seeing the smile on her face. Serving my community comes with great pleasure and it is these heartwarming experiences that make service an appealing characteristic of Florida State University. It would come with great honor to be a part of the FSU community and be granted the opportunity to work with students who find service as an enjoyable and essential part of life.

Comments, suggestions, critiquing please!
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Aug 16, 2012   #2
Throughout the years, I have been introduced to a plethora of new things; good and bad.

I've had the privilege to partake ---participate in multiple events in which I've served my community.

Each one has brought me a great deal of pleasure, although one stands out from the rest.

At the time, she was eight years old and it was her inadequate amount of clothing that left me heavyhearted.

It saddened me to learn that she was the oldest of three other children, and had chosen to give up her clothing to her younger and more necessitous siblings.

It would come with great honor to be a part of the FSU community and be granted the opportunity to work with students who find service as an enjoyable and essential part of life.

:)
OP Jazmine21 1 / 1  
Aug 16, 2012   #3
Thank you so much! :)


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