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Undergraduate   Posts: 3

The music has held a deep importance for me - the essay on what is the most important in my life

sethclogan 1 / 1  
Jan 5, 2018   #1
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What is important to you? And why?

(250 word max)

Feedback would be much appreciated!! :)

music has held a deep importance for me

It would be a lie to say I wasn't at least a little terrified, standing behind the stage curtain and clutching my guitar. "Am I in tune? Will I remember the lyrics? Will my voice crack?" Our little 9th grade rock band had hardly played in front of a couple people, let alone a crowd the size of that afternoon's assembly. But when the curtains were drawn back and I heard the drumsticks click for the count-off, my worries and reservations were pushed to the back of my consciousness while I allowed a feeling almost unlike any other to possess me: a bubbling amalgamation of adrenaline, nerves, and a certain magical profundity that can only accompany music. In that moment and countless others besides, music has held a deep importance for me, for I regard music as the most universal art, the people's art. It has the potential to communicate concepts and emotions that are felt deeply but defy any attempt at direct articulation, and its universality creates poignant shared experiences between individuals. There's music created with deliberate intention, like the angsty fervor of a punk show or the bittersweet melancholy of an old jazz record; there's also music to be found in quotidian sounds - the cheery chime of songbirds at dawn, or the bustling restaurant's clinking of plates and forks among a dull roar of conversation. Wherever it may be found, there is a musical passage for all of life's vicissitudes, each holding a mirror to life itself.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,505 1933  
Jan 5, 2018   #2
Seth, while this is a very impressive general definition of the importance of music based upon your experience, I find that it lacks a personal note to connect to you personally in order to make it seem more important than you present it to the reader in the essay. If you read the description and definition, you have made the definition of the importance of music one that is encompassing of a general scale. You do not have a personal connection with the music other than the performance you had in the 9th grade. What you need to add to the essay is a personal reason for the importance of music. What does music mean to you on a deeper level or personal connection? Leaving out the general discussion of music and its overall importance to society. Since the essay is about what is important to you and why, you have to deliver more about the "you" portion rather than the "general" depiction. How does music affect you on a personal level? You should discuss the importance of music to you as a band member and as a solo musician or even, as a simple lover of music. That way, you cover all the bases regarding the importance of music to you and you alone.
OP sethclogan 1 / 1  
Jan 5, 2018   #3

Thank you for the response! What I was trying to communicate in the second half of the essay were the reasons why music resonated so profoundly with me, but I see how my presentation of it makes it sound like a general description. Should I leave out the "universal" part to focus on its effect on me personally, and alter the second half so that those reasons trace more clearly back to me? I almost wish that the word cap was 500 - it's a lot harder to be succinct! :)

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