Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Music Molds My Mission
I developed a strong personal attachment to music ever since the very first time I moved my hand over the soft, smooth wood of a guitar and I have not looked back since.
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Any and all criticism is welcome!
I think it's good but your not completely answering the question. What work has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way? So you have to write about the actualy work, and how it affected you. Here's how I'd change your essay:
Many family and friends have asked what go-go is and I tell them it is the sound of DC. It is the music that makes the DMV (DC/ Maryland/ Virginia) area unique, giving us a distinct identity. Nonstop is the sound of the music that keeps on living. The music is ever changing, you never hear the same beat twice, and it all flows from the soul to the instruments. The music is not just a genre it is culture. It has been this culture that has formed my character. Without it, I don't know if I'd still be who I am today.
Many have tried to stop it but it cannot be forgotten, the Go-go bands kept the movement going, never letting up. Even though it has been put down time after time, it has persevered. It's taught me that giving up is not an option, that no one can put me down; and I'll always keep trying to follow my dreams. Go-go has astounded me with its spirit and its individualism; it does not need to be mainstream or accepted by the majority. There's a lot to learn from Go-go, it is an exceptional example for all.
I am not an english teacher, I'm a highschool senior, and this is just How I'd do it.
But yours is great and i guess you can take this as another view point.
sorry ^ the above was for another question, my computer froze and when it came back it had posted it here.
by the way it hink your essay is good. it has a few grammar errors.
So you should get people to proofread it.
Thanks for the feedback. Do you think you can spot any grammar errors? Any if anyone else has feedback I would appreciate it if you could tell me! Thanks.
Even when I was a young boy, I was tapping my feet to the various beats of music.
I think you should write twelve instead of 12.
The unique sounds created through a fusion of instruments ignited an (how about a word besides outstanding) interest.
I see no errors, but little things you might want to refine, like this:
Teaching guitar has honed my interpersonal skills, enabling me to communicate with people of all ages while remaining in a patient, understanding, and meditative state of mind.
Recently I started using nylon strings, and they sound so nice!! The only problem is when you switch back to metal strings, your finger tips have softened up. I hope you are doing well with your music; Audacity is some free software that seems to work well. Kind regards
I developed a strong personal attachment to music ever since the very first time I moved my hand over the soft, smooth wood of a guitar and I have not looked back since. While playing guitar has been my active hobby for the past five years, music has always been my inherited passion. My parents and relatives are all music lovers and they claim that I have had music in my veins since birth. Even when I was a young boy, I was tapping my feet to the different beats of music.
I was 12twelve years old when my dad had me listen to his favorite rock band during a long road trip. I remember feeling so mesmerized that I just couldn't stop listening to it for the next few days. The unique sounds created through a fusion of instruments ignited an outstanding profound interest. I convinced my dad to take me to the music store the next week and it was there that I felt a guitar for the very first time, resulting in my intimate relationship with this instrument.
I began to express myself by strumming random chords and composing new melodies in my mind. My interest in guitar advanced while in high school as I learned to compose and play advanced tunes, styles and techniques. During summer of 2008, I started a class to teach guitar along with my friend. We taught both children and adults who were all thrilled with their new-found skills in the end. I was later elected Vice-President of the Monta Vista Rock Fusion club. There I met with different musicians from school and gained more insight into the subject. I also got to compete in the Battle of the Bands and volunteered to play in various concerts in my city with a few friends. I am proud that I have brought happiness and unity in themy community as I share my passion with others.
Recently, music drove me to learn how to assemble a computer at home from scratch. I needed a faster computer to run my advanced multimedia software. My dad gave me a small budget and instead of compromising on the features, I researched online, bought all the necessary parts, and assembled the computer entirely on my own.
Music has deeply shaped me as an individual. Teaching guitar has taught me to communicate with people of all ages and to be patient and understanding. It was not easy to learn the instrument - it took a great deal of practice and dedication. However, the fact that I learnt it on my own has given me great confidence and pride.
My mission is to reach out and make a difference in the lives of others. All of the valuable traitsqualities that music has giftedtaught me will guide me as I pursue a career in medicine. I will succeed by approaching it with patience, confidence, and pride, the same way I succeeded with music. It is my goal to create melody and harmony in everything I do. My passion in music will accompany me in all my life journeys and make this possible.
it's very good, i just crossed out some things i think your essay could do without.
P.S I started to learn guitar recently from my cousin. my finger tips hurt they are really soft and so the chords don't sound right when i play. i wouldn't be a master at it or anything but hopefully i can learn a little.