Beyond rankings, location, and athletics, why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech? max 150
Music Technology to me
My aspiration is making a music software. When users hum a melody, my software could analyse it and write a whole song automatically. In this way, the kid I taught in Online English Volunteer program, my teammate in the software optimisation program can write songs without spending time and money learning music. Normal people who can't afford any midi board, instruments or studio can write music in a minute.
After I told my idea to a P.h.D in Georgia Tech, he immediately recommended his major Music Technology to me. Surprisingly, this unique major will open to undergraduates as a minor. I am sure I can fully develop my interest.
There are no limits what Georgia Tech students can design. Studying in the best engineering college, prototyping my ideas in the Invention Studio, doing Student Intern, I will gain real-world experiences and thrive in the campus.
@Crystor Hey I think you should describe more about your aspiration like why making software is your aspiration. Also, you should add more reasons why you're interested.
Hope this helps!
@Crystor
Minor grammar: "minute.
After I told my" missing a space after the period and "Studying in the best engineering college, prototyping my ideas in the Invention Studio, doing Student Intern, I will gain real-world experiences and thrive in the campus." doesn't make sense to me or it's at least missing a comma before "and"
You spend a lot of time describing your dream and not much writing about why you want to go to GaTech. The little you do seems like fluff. Your dream is also a lot of fluff. You basically say "I want to do this great thing that is undoubtedly good" but there's a reason why it hasn't been done already: it's hard.
Overall I think you should focus more on how Ga Tech's Music Technology major specifically would benefit you.
It is the revised version.
There are no limits what Georgia Tech students can design. As a girl who is talented in Music but dedicates to making a software, Georgia Tech is definitely the perfect place for me. Specifically, the software I want to develop could analyse a melody that user sings and write a whole song automatically. In this way, the kid I taught in Online English Volunteer program, my teammate ...
@Crystor
" As a girl who is talented in Music but dedicates " grammar
I just feel like your entire section on your software is awkward. You mention "the kid I taught in Online English" but it makes things more confusing. What online program? Why does he need this software? How is he your partner?
I don't know, this entire essay is hard to read. It gives me the sense that English is not your first language.
@LoneLee
I rewrote it.
There are no limits what Georgia Tech students can design. As a girl who is talented in Music but passionate about computer, Georgia Tech is definitely the perfect place for me. The unique minor Music Technology first caught my attention because I always want to make a software to recognise melodies and create music automatically. Great professors such as Alexander Lerch，Jason Freeman, Gil Weinberg can surly provide me enough knowledge regarding music theory to support the development of this idea. Furthermore, I appreciate the customisation and flexibility of Georgia Tech, which means I will have various opportunities to push my idea even further with the assistance of ECE faculties, Ph.D. mentors and student organisations. For instance, I could join in the CREAT-X program to develop my entrepreneurial confidence to better establish startups. I can even establish a new club about music, artificial intelligence and VR. I believe I can become a problem-solver and make changes happen.
Hi, I think this is an improvement. You should definitely focus on the Music Technology program. To me, I always picture the artistry of music and the hard science of computer programming to be in almost completely opposite spheres - picture a Venn diagram with a tiny sliver of compatibility. So this sounds like a unique program that combines right brain and left brain specialties. Maybe I want to know more details about how exactly this program and GT's flexibility can allow you to fulfill your dreams. Here are some specific grammar/wording suggestions:
There are no limits [to] what
... is talented in [ m]usic but passionate about computer[s ],
...my attention because I [dream of creating] software to recognise melodies and [generate] music
...Gil Weinberg can [surely enhance my] knowledge [of] music theory [necessary to develop] this idea.
... customisation and flexibility of Georgia Tech, {of what? of the required courses, or that you can create your own major? This seems too vague}
...Ph.D. mentors and student organisations. {once again, this part seems a little vague - what do student organizations for instance have to do with customization?}
...I could join in the CREAT-X program
...establish a new club [combining] music,
... and make changes happen. {I don't really like this last sentence - it sort of sounds like you want to change Georgia Tech}
... and make changes happen. {I don't really like this last sentence - it sort of sounds like you want to change Georgia Tech}
Thank you sooooo much!! I have made the correction you provided!!
customisation and flexibility of Georgia Tech...... I wrote about the example afterwards. I don't know how to write this sentence more specific because I can only write 150 words....
I still think this essay is not passionate enough to attract the admission office. What do you think?? Do you think it is too plain?
Yes, it could definitely be more passionate. Also, for your example, you write that you work in the computer engineering facilities, have PhD mentors, and join student organizations, but that sounds like every single university. Can you come up with a more specific example that focuses on flexibility/customization?
Furthermore, with 40 hours of 11 distinctive electives, Ph.D. mentors and Cooperative Education, the customisation and flexibility of ECE will give me various opportunities to push my idea much further.
How about this?
Yes, I like that a lot better.