Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 7

'Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu..' - Haverford- Honor Code essay


Gummiebaer 3 / 9  
Jan 15, 2010   #1
Every feedback is welcome! Please help me especially with grammar! Thank you a lot!

The Honor Code at Haverford creates an environment of deep trust, respect, and collegiality between professors and students which, in turn, fosters open dialogue and free intellectual exchange. Talk about the conditions you think are essential to allowing this type of dialogue and exchange in both academic and non-academic settings.

One is Muslim, another is Christian, the next is Buddhist and one is Hindu. One is from Israel, the next from Palestine, one is from Ghana, another from Peru, and one from Bhutan. One grew up on the street, the next in a palace. One is a single-child, one has twenty siblings. One wears a sari, one a hip-hop outfit. One is conservative, the next is liberal, and one is in between ... that is who I am surrounded by 24/7.

Living in a school that consists of two hundred students, headed from ninety different countries my community is a cultural mix of beliefs, values and opinions. Sometimes when I catch a quiet moment in the middle of the day, I look around and think about how it is possible that despite all our differences we all live together, forming the most trusting, respectful and caring community I have ever lived in. It seems crazy, and it is. Wonderful- crazy.

There is one thing that I believe has not just shaped my own community a great deal but is absolute essential for creating any respectful, thought- provoking learning environment. That one thing is nothing else but simply willingness.

It is the willingness to sit down and listen. The willingness to compromise and the willingness to accept differences. I do not agree with people in favor of the death penalty, but it is my and the other's willingness to discuss each others points, that can turn a conflict into a learning experience, providing new perspectives.

It is the willingness to admit own mistakes and to work on them. One of my classmates that I value highly stole regularly. Growing up an in a poor environment and struggling to survive, stealing had always been a part of his life. It was his willingness to admit his fault, and my communities' willingness not just to accept his apologies but to discuss how one is influence by his/her background, that maintained a trusting relationship between community members.

At Haverford this willingness to change to the better would not only include the reflection on mistakes made but also the adjusting of the honor code to the needs of current students.

It is the willingness to share and the awareness of others. If living together in a dorm or just sharing a class, different personalities have different needs one has to be aware of in order to create an environment comfortable for everyone. Having written my Extended Essay - a 4000 word essay, required by the IB- about miscommunication in the classroom in an international setting, I found that overcoming miscommunication can be educational itself, but just in a setting where there is awareness of cultural and personal differences.

It is the willingness to take on the challenge to create a caring, respectful and inspiring community.

I am willing.
pharmd9 2 / 8  
Jan 15, 2010   #2
is a cultural mix of beliefs , values and opinions.
OP Gummiebaer 3 / 9  
Jan 15, 2010   #3
Thank you! Any other comments? do you like it?
nkidd23 1 / 1  
Jan 15, 2010   #4
Your concept is very well thought out and really conveys your uniqueness well. I personally would change the first paragraph though. The syntax gets repetitive although I know that was your intended purpose. Mix up the sentence structure and I think it will flow nicely.

Tell me what you think of my essay.
rapoch 9 / 28  
Jan 15, 2010   #5
... One wears a sari, one a hip-hop outfit. One is conservative, the next is liberal, and one is in between ... Welcome to my world! very creative, good job! I just didnt like the cliche "Welcome to my world", maybe change that

Living in a school that consists of two hundred students from ninety different countries my community is a cultural mix of believesbeliefs , values and opinions. Sometimes when I catch a quiet moment in the middle of the day, I look around and think about how it is possible that despite all our differences, we all live all together, forming the most trusting, respectingrespectful and carryingcaring community I have ever experienced try another word besides experience . It seems crazy, and it is. Wonderful-crazy. these last two sentences are awkward

There is one thing that I believe has not just shaped my own community a great deal but is absolute essential for creating any respectful, thought- provoking learning environment. It is willingness. a bit strange in terms of structure

Having written my Extended Essay ( a 4000 word essay, required by the IB) use dashes instead of parenthesis about miscommunication does this word exist? in the classroom in an international setting ...

Personally by learning from mistakes, but also as a community, by adjusting Haverford's honors code to the needs of current students this sentence is not gramatically correct .

Other than that, it's a pretty good essay! Nice job!

Could you take a look at mine? Thanks :)


essayforum.com/undergraduate-admission-essays-2/bucknell-su pp-chose-major-three-important-characteristics-14854/
OP Gummiebaer 3 / 9  
Jan 15, 2010   #6
Okay so I changed it a bit. I am not sure if some of my sentence work. Also I do not know if i can put 24/7...

Thanks for all your comments! I will take a look at your essays as soon as I am done with this one!
OP Gummiebaer 3 / 9  
Jan 15, 2010   #7
I need to submit this in just an hour, so please could somebody read though it??? I promisse I give you some feedback too!


Home / Undergraduate / 'Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu..' - Haverford- Honor Code essay