My name is Aduraseyi. Multi-Faceted Personality/ Stanford Essay: ROOMMATE note

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate -- and us -- know you better. (250 word limit.)

Dear Roommate,
My name is Aduraseyi, but everyone calls me by my middle name, Chris. I am a Nigerian-American, and just like my nationality, my personality is multi-faceted.

If you ask any of my friends who I am, the vast majority of them would refer to me as "Chris the soccer guy." And it's true. Soccer is my passion! So if you notice me streaming soccer games online on weekends, inviting you to pick-up games, or bringing some friends over to chat or debate about the sport, don't be surprised as you have been forewarned. And if you just so happen to share my passion, you would be extra amazing.

However, I am not just all play and no work. In addition to being a soccer fanatic, I am also "Chris the smart guy." Yes, roommate, I am a nerd. When the time comes for me to be serious about my classes, I will bury my nose in the books: no goofing off, no messing around, and no parties-just doing what is needed to ace my classes. And while I may seem like a bore during "study time," the results have been evident as those tactics have left me sitting pretty at the top of my class.

Not only am I a soccer loving nerd, I'm also a very analytical person. What might be mistaken for my being quiet and aloof is actually me deep in my thoughts, analyzing and debating within my mind so please don't take offense.

... Interesting :)
I really like your style of writing... yes, you can write so well.... I only wish you talk a little more about your sociable side because when it's weighed I feel you have spoken more about the nerdy side. However, you've done a good job. If you have enough words in the store to use, add a few more lines.

Good luck!

Yeah I pushed the word limit to the max and didn't have enough room to add more. If given more words I'd have elaborated on the final paragraph and maybe slotted on in-between the soccer and nerd paragraphs.

Word limits are the worst! If there is any way you can edit it to allow room for a more solid conclusion, that's all I would change. Your letter is interesting and answers the prompt well, though.

Coming from a fellow Nigerian, I really like the way you presented this. I do, however, think that you could talk more in depth on those Areas. What are you studying? Elaborate more on the things that you do to get to that point in your life. By the way, I hate English:)

This made me smile. The way you address the reader directly ("Yes, roommate, I am a nerd.") is just fun. You immediately open yourself up and make a strong impression. I'd make the last line as punchy as the rest of the letter. That's the last moment you get with the reader, so think: what do you want them to take away from your essay?