Hello! I am applying to college, and I would like to know if you have any suggestions for my entrance essay, which is below. I would also like to know if you have any suggestions for the word limit - my essay is approximately 430 words long. The topic is: "In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service."
This is my essay:
As I walked across the auditorium stage, I knew I had accomplished something spectacular. The plethora of monotonous forms that were required to be a member of this club were finally worth it, just as I had known they would be all along. Mrs. Craft, our advisor, called my name, and I was given the smallest trophey I will ever recieve: my first National Honor Society membership pin. It was my junior year at Treasure Coast High School, and I already felt as if I were on top of the world.
Although becoming a National Honor Society member is the highest achievement a student can earn, it is what you achieve before becoming a member that counts. To name a few requirements, a student must maintain a 3.5 unweighted or 4.0 weighted GPA, be an active and contributing member to society, have no negative discipline record whatsoever, and be a generally well-liked and helpful individual. Once you apply, the club's advisor checks your records to see if you fit this description and, if you make the cut, you are sent an invitation to the National Honor Society induction in the fall. No greater feeling has ever come over me than at that moment when I opened my letter of acceptance.
Being an active volunteer in my community because of National Honor Society has really changed my life. During my junior year of high school, I took part in several volunteer projects - all of which were just as entertaining as a trip to the movies, only more helpful to society. For example, after the earthquake in Haiti, the National Honor Society collected an emmense amount of donated goods for the victims and made them into "goodie-baskets," which we then sent to Haiti via airplane. These activites influenced me so deeply that I am now the proud President of this organization. This year, we plan on raising money for a family in our community that has a child with cancer. The members and myself have an exasperating amount of ideas that will lead to a weekend-long family vacation for this child's family.
It is not just a conscious decision to help others - everyone has an obligation to help those around them. The golden rule of life is not to treat others the way you would like to be treated, but rather to treat others better than you have been treated. The concept of "pay it forward" needs to be applied to every person's life if we are going to rise up against the evils of the world and make a change.
This is my essay:
As I walked across the auditorium stage, I knew I had accomplished something spectacular. The plethora of monotonous forms that were required to be a member of this club were finally worth it, just as I had known they would be all along. Mrs. Craft, our advisor, called my name, and I was given the smallest trophey I will ever recieve: my first National Honor Society membership pin. It was my junior year at Treasure Coast High School, and I already felt as if I were on top of the world.
Although becoming a National Honor Society member is the highest achievement a student can earn, it is what you achieve before becoming a member that counts. To name a few requirements, a student must maintain a 3.5 unweighted or 4.0 weighted GPA, be an active and contributing member to society, have no negative discipline record whatsoever, and be a generally well-liked and helpful individual. Once you apply, the club's advisor checks your records to see if you fit this description and, if you make the cut, you are sent an invitation to the National Honor Society induction in the fall. No greater feeling has ever come over me than at that moment when I opened my letter of acceptance.
Being an active volunteer in my community because of National Honor Society has really changed my life. During my junior year of high school, I took part in several volunteer projects - all of which were just as entertaining as a trip to the movies, only more helpful to society. For example, after the earthquake in Haiti, the National Honor Society collected an emmense amount of donated goods for the victims and made them into "goodie-baskets," which we then sent to Haiti via airplane. These activites influenced me so deeply that I am now the proud President of this organization. This year, we plan on raising money for a family in our community that has a child with cancer. The members and myself have an exasperating amount of ideas that will lead to a weekend-long family vacation for this child's family.
It is not just a conscious decision to help others - everyone has an obligation to help those around them. The golden rule of life is not to treat others the way you would like to be treated, but rather to treat others better than you have been treated. The concept of "pay it forward" needs to be applied to every person's life if we are going to rise up against the evils of the world and make a change.
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