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New York/ Oprah Winfrey ; Syracuse Supp/ Who or what influend applying?

Karla281995 6 / 15 1  
Dec 27, 2012   #1
Please help me with these essay questions. I consider it to be finalized. Feedback is appreciated

Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?
I knew that I wanted to attend school in New York. I was also aware that I loved the diversity and the cultural shock of the innovative state. One thing I looked forward to was living in a big city. I wanted my small town environment to immerse in a fast paced city. In June of 2010, I went to a broadcast journalism conference at Fordham University. There, I learned the importance of journalism and the impact it has on society. To conclude the program they informed us of some schools that would help us to better our studies in journalism. One of those schools was Syracuse University. As graduation approached, I realized that I truly wanted to experience a campus. I thought, maybe I am not ready for such a big change because I enjoyed the intimacy of my small town, thus I decided to apply.

2. Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?
Whenever I peek into my looking glass I aspire to be a well-rounded individual by being receptive to other cultures, languages, and ideas. I would like to not only affect my community, but to also affect people overseas. Oprah Winfrey once said, "Now what can I do that's going to be of value ... to other people?" Like Oprah, I want to be able to make a difference in lives everywhere. I would like to influence the world with breaking news and I know that Syracuse will provide me with opportunities that no other university can. At the Newhouse school, I will be faced with a competitive curriculum while still expressing my communication skills.

3. If you have had work experience, what skills and/or knowledge did you gain?
At a very young age, I realized my love for children. I was able to babysit young children and that ultimately helped me to communicate well with them. Although I enjoyed the entertaining, undemanding job, I was fortunate enough to become the Sunday school teacher at my church. While taking care of children for so many years, I have learned to be patient and to have respect for all individuals. It would have been hypocritical of me to teach them how to be kind and caring without actually being a role model. Being around young children has also given me a chance to become a better listener.

4. Our mission of Scholarship in Action, education for the world in the world, extends beyond the classroom to include engagement opportunities with our campus community, the City of Syracuse, and locations across the globe. Based on your interests, tell us what real-world experiences you might pursue during your education at Syracuse as part of this mission.

While at Syracuse University I will continue to volunteer with the American Red Cross Association. In addition, I would like to not only volunteer within the boundaries of local events but large scale natural disasters. Furthermore, I will likely study abroad in another country. I believe that the best way to further my education is by the spread of knowledge. Also, I hope to travel to a developing country to provide not only educational opportunities but also, financial opportunities. I would like to expand my background to underprivileged kids so that they can experience our system here in America or better yet, at Syracuse.
xcrunner095 1 / 3  
Dec 27, 2012   #2
"I wanted my small town environment to immerse in a fast paced city." I don't feel like "immerse" is the right word here. Do you want to change from a small environment to fast paced city?

I really like your response to #2 and 3.

#4: comma in between University and I

Overall I think you did a pretty good job.

If you could comment on mine too I would greatly appreciate it!
norman2013 1 / 9  
Dec 27, 2012   #3
That Oprah Winfrey quote was very out of place. I would consider editing that out or if she had some impact on your life, enhance it. But it is distracting.

Also, use specific examples about the college! I applied to Syracuse too and I talked about study abroad and the sustainability program. Pick something specific to your major and elaborate on why you are perfect for it.
buttercup321 1 / 3  
Dec 28, 2012   #4
I really like it . I think you should just expand a little on your Oprah Winfrey quote . What do you want to do to help others and how can Syracuse provide help with that
rroni12345 2 / 8  
Dec 28, 2012   #5
your essay seems good in general, just try to be a bit more specific about the reason of attending Syracuse university...

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