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New York Table Tennis Club - NEED HELP WITH UNDERGRADUATE ESSAY



itzkevinn 1 / -  
Nov 27, 2008   #1
It was the April of sixth grade when my life was changed forever. One day in April, I was playing with a ping pong paddle and ball that I had found in my garage. It was then and there when my parents had suggested I should learn the sport. At first, I was reluctant to going to another place to take lessons for the sport. However, I eventually gave in and followed my parents to the ping pong club they had found.

New York Table Tennis Club is one of the biggest and famous table tennis club filled many great players and an amazing coach. As I approached the front door, my heart skipped a beat. As I walked into the club, many people were already playing and competing. As I approached the coach, Coach Liu, I was scared and bashful. When he called me over to his table, I went to him not knowing how to hold the paddle nor swing it. This would be the beginning of my ping pong career.

After playing for about a year, I met tons of new people and was able to practice practically everyday. I was determined to achieving my greatest potential. Day and night, I would go to the NYTTC to practice my strokes hoping one day I would become a professional table tennis player. My coach would always encourage me whenever I would get angry at myself for missing a shot or losing a match. As I was still considered a beginner, I trained and worked hard everyday of my life to one day try and become an Olympic table tennis player. After working very hard my first year, I joined my first tournament. My first ever table tennis competition took place in Delaware on June 12-13, 2004. Coincidentally, it was the day I claimed my first trophy for the Under 1250 Rating event. I was filled with happiness after I defeated my opponent. I immediately went back to the club to tell the good news to my coach.

Year after year, I've been playing consistent table tennis and learning to become a better player. Doing this has helped me become a very competitive player who will try hard in any circumstance. Every year, I would go to different states to compete in various tournaments to prove that I am worthy of being an Olympian. After each tournament, I would check my rating online to see how much I have improved. However, it wasn't until I went to the 2006 USA Junior Nationals in Hampton Roads, Virginia when I realized what kind of competition I was up against, especially kids my own age. It was a 3 day tournament in which I had to play my hardest each and every day. Although only being the finalist of the B Division, I was extremely proud of my accomplishment for it was the greatest in my whole career.

Ever since I began playing table tennis, my life has been impacted greatly. I went from a person who did not know what his talents were, to finding my talent. Table tennis not only helped me stay determined and competitive, but it also taught me a great deal of respect towards people. I've met tons of people who I respect and appreciate for all their help during my improvement process. To this day, I will always remember what I went through to get to the professional level of table tennis.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Nov 27, 2008   #2
Good morning :)

In regards to mechanics, avoid contractions in formal academic writing. For instance, "wasn't" should be "was not."

Make sure you are capitalizing only proper nouns and the first words of sentences. For instance, "Division" shouldn't be capitalized.

Since you didn't post the prompt with your essay, I'm not sure if this is a fitting response or not, but it is well organized and sequential; the body sticks to the introduction topic, and your conclusion doesn't introduce any new information.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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