I am seeking any type of feedback and constructive criticism on the content, structure, word choice, and grammar on my UC Transfer Personal Statement. I tried to add a few quirks and personality, as I realize many personal statements are very generic and repetitive. Please tell me what you think!
PROMPT-
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
I have been deemed a professional arguer since the day I learned to say the word "no." My bold, outspoken personality paired with my finely polished debate skills have continually provoked others to compliment me with the phrase, "You should become a lawyer when you grow up." Crime investigation shows have always been of interest, and television's famous prosecutor, Nancy Grace, is my guilty pleasure. I had always pondered becoming a lawyer, but never gave it serious consideration. Paying tens of thousands of dollars to be enrolled in school for eternity would surely get in the way of lounging on the beach and soaking up the sweet California sun. It wasn't until a senseless, juvenile decision landed me in legal trouble of my own, that I became inspired to pursue a higher education in political science and American law.
A typical teenage girl with an invincible, "know-it-all" mindset and an underdeveloped frontal lobe, (A.K.A. severe lack of judgment), resulted in my poor decision making that would forever alter my life. Just over a month shy of high school graduation, I found myself tangled in a knot of legal drama and financial debt equating to numbers higher than I could count on my fingers AND toes. Most people would consider this dilemma a complete nuisance. Don't get me wrong, my downfall was a burden plus more, but I learned a valuable lesson that can only be attained by experience, and have since grown (almost an inch). Most importantly, my mistake inspired me to pursue a career in the legal field.
Shortly after taking my first courses in political science, I knew this was "it." I was going to major in political science and go to law school. In the early months of 2012, I collaborated with a handful of other students who shared my passion for politics, and together we formed the Model United Nations club at Saddleback College. Since then, I have held the elected position of Secretary. Although I am intrigued by international politics, my participation with my club has reassured me that my true passion lies in American law. However, through this experience, I have gained extensive knowledge of the United Nations, its structure and function, different governments across the world, and the people of which the world encompasses. Additionally, being apart of Model United Nations has been beneficial by helping improve my teamwork, research, and public speaking skills.
I am thrilled to earn a baccalaureate degree in political science, complete law school, and become a prosecuting attorney. I want to represent my community and take over the world, but I need to first earn my degree.
PROMPT-
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
I have been deemed a professional arguer since the day I learned to say the word "no." My bold, outspoken personality paired with my finely polished debate skills have continually provoked others to compliment me with the phrase, "You should become a lawyer when you grow up." Crime investigation shows have always been of interest, and television's famous prosecutor, Nancy Grace, is my guilty pleasure. I had always pondered becoming a lawyer, but never gave it serious consideration. Paying tens of thousands of dollars to be enrolled in school for eternity would surely get in the way of lounging on the beach and soaking up the sweet California sun. It wasn't until a senseless, juvenile decision landed me in legal trouble of my own, that I became inspired to pursue a higher education in political science and American law.
A typical teenage girl with an invincible, "know-it-all" mindset and an underdeveloped frontal lobe, (A.K.A. severe lack of judgment), resulted in my poor decision making that would forever alter my life. Just over a month shy of high school graduation, I found myself tangled in a knot of legal drama and financial debt equating to numbers higher than I could count on my fingers AND toes. Most people would consider this dilemma a complete nuisance. Don't get me wrong, my downfall was a burden plus more, but I learned a valuable lesson that can only be attained by experience, and have since grown (almost an inch). Most importantly, my mistake inspired me to pursue a career in the legal field.
Shortly after taking my first courses in political science, I knew this was "it." I was going to major in political science and go to law school. In the early months of 2012, I collaborated with a handful of other students who shared my passion for politics, and together we formed the Model United Nations club at Saddleback College. Since then, I have held the elected position of Secretary. Although I am intrigued by international politics, my participation with my club has reassured me that my true passion lies in American law. However, through this experience, I have gained extensive knowledge of the United Nations, its structure and function, different governments across the world, and the people of which the world encompasses. Additionally, being apart of Model United Nations has been beneficial by helping improve my teamwork, research, and public speaking skills.
I am thrilled to earn a baccalaureate degree in political science, complete law school, and become a prosecuting attorney. I want to represent my community and take over the world, but I need to first earn my degree.
