The next puzzle piece- University of Chicago question 1 supplement

Prompt: How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago

I have never been one who is uncertain about my goals in life. I tend to know where I'm going and have a general plan of how to get there. The University of Chicago fits in perfectly with this mindset. The University of Chicago offers many extracurricular activities, a diverse student body, athletics and of course strong academics. I understand that the University of Chicago is a competitive environment and I come from a competitive high school, so I know what it's like to go to a school where every other student is trying their best. I come from a large public high school, Adlai E. Stevenson high school, in Lincolnshire, Illinois. At Stevenson, being that it's such a large school, each student has to take their own academic destiny into their own hands; if you want to do well, it's up to you. I have known for a few years what I want to study and have a career as and I've taken it into my own hands to make sure I tailor my education towards my goals. I know I want to study history in college and it has always been a passion of mine! Stevenson offers 16 Social Studies courses ...

You need to be more personal. I can tell you are smart, that you love history, and even that you are driven. However, you're lacking that specific thing that says precisely "I belong here!"

Given your love of history you could turn this into something very creative. You could say "Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming that I'm (insert historical figure doing historical action)" That's one really bad example, but you could make this a really amazing essay. Be creative. Really put your love of history into the essay. Make it come alive.

Thanks for the advice! I revised it and I think my love for history really shines through now... so thanks so much!

This has some great content, but please add some sentences that tell more about your plan! You only told a few small details about your plan, and it is not very well developed in this essay. In fact, you have 2 sentences that assert that you are always oriented toward your plan, and I think you could just revise those sentences so that they specify things about the plans. you probably have a good plan in mind with 4 or 5 details... even if you are not sure, let's add to this essay.

I see some energized, inspired content in the second half. Don't take out any of that very eloquent material! It's very good.

Thank you so much for the advice I hope with this revision my plans are clearer
Revised:

"The University of Chicago fits perfectly with this mindset." As for my plan that I mentioned earlier, I know that in college I'm planning on studying Art History. I have known for some time that I wanted to study history but this year when I signed up for the AP art history course my school offers I've absolutly fallen in love with the class since it has started. It is without a shadow of a doubt my favorite class and I want to make art history my passion. After recieving my degree in art history I want to work for a museum as a curator. Then after working as a curator for x amount of years, I want to go into teaching art history, either at the high school or college level. The University of Chicago The University of Chicago offers many extracurricular activities, a diverse student body, athletics and of course strong academics. I understand that the University of Chicago is a competitive environment and I come from a competitive high school, so I know what it's like to go to a school where every other student is trying their best. I come from a large public high school, Adlai E. Stevenson high school, in Lincolnshire, Illinois. At Stevenson, being that it's such a large school, each student has to take their academic destiny into their own hands; if you want to do well, it's up to you. I have known for a some time what I want to study and have a career as and I've taken it into my own hands to make sure I tailor my education towards my goals. Stevenson offers 16 Social Studies courses...