Can you critique my essay?
You will notice that I am not good with grammar, so bear with me...
I am more of a math/science guy...
This is my first rough draft!
"Be nice and smile at the customers" as my mother used to say when I started working in our family restaurant as a thirteen year old. There was no way I could have smile at anyone at that time. My heart was fueling with hatred as I had no choice but to work. I didn't want to have a full-time job ,and I certainly wasn't ready for the responsibility and stress that came along with it. I was only concern about school and extra curriculum activities. However, my negative attitude started to change as I matured. I felt obligated to help after I realized my parents were in a financial turmoil. I didn't mind working thirty-five hours a week, and I actually learned a lot of skills I needed in life from helping out. I learned how to manage a business, I developed social and relationship skills, and most importantly , I learned a good work ethic. With my work ethic, I managed to balance a demanding job in the family business with sports and school work. I dedicated another twenty-five hours a week into two sports I was so passionate about since freshman year. In return, I received All-State Honors for football and wrestling for two years in a row. I have also managed to take AP and Honor courses with a busy schedule. My work ethic pulled me through the countless sleepless nights and motivated me to maintain an A/B GPA. In the end, my work ethic has shaped who I am and is responsible for all the success I had in my life.
There's a 250 word limit on this.
and can you tell me what I'm writing about on here? I want to know if I'm conveying the correct message to my readers.
You will notice that I am not good with grammar, so bear with me...
I am more of a math/science guy...
This is my first rough draft!
"Be nice and smile at the customers" as my mother used to say when I started working in our family restaurant as a thirteen year old. There was no way I could have smile at anyone at that time. My heart was fueling with hatred as I had no choice but to work. I didn't want to have a full-time job ,and I certainly wasn't ready for the responsibility and stress that came along with it. I was only concern about school and extra curriculum activities. However, my negative attitude started to change as I matured. I felt obligated to help after I realized my parents were in a financial turmoil. I didn't mind working thirty-five hours a week, and I actually learned a lot of skills I needed in life from helping out. I learned how to manage a business, I developed social and relationship skills, and most importantly , I learned a good work ethic. With my work ethic, I managed to balance a demanding job in the family business with sports and school work. I dedicated another twenty-five hours a week into two sports I was so passionate about since freshman year. In return, I received All-State Honors for football and wrestling for two years in a row. I have also managed to take AP and Honor courses with a busy schedule. My work ethic pulled me through the countless sleepless nights and motivated me to maintain an A/B GPA. In the end, my work ethic has shaped who I am and is responsible for all the success I had in my life.
There's a 250 word limit on this.
and can you tell me what I'm writing about on here? I want to know if I'm conveying the correct message to my readers.
