As a Nigerian and also a black child, I stand as a symbol of Africa all over the world and my dream

As a Nigerian and also a black child, I stand as a symbol of Africa all over the world and my dream is to become an icon of change to aid to the development of my country and also to be able to inspire an average Nigerian child. Right from my primary school days (Elementary school), reciting the National pledge "I PLEDGE TO NIGERIA MY COUNTRY TO BE FAITHFUL LOYAL AND HONEST, TO SERVE NIGERIA WITH ALL MY STRENGTH UPHOLD AND HONOUR AND GLORY SO HELP ME GOD...AMEN..." every school days has been a major source of motivation for me to someday become a successful Nigerian,to be able to serve my country in every way I can.

My commitment returning back to Africa after graduating from university of Toronto as a Civil Engineer will not be only to serve my country but also to be able to help aid the development and creation of more social amenities for families with financial difficulties in both rural and urban region.

Firstly,In Nigeria we face alot of poor social amenities which include( bad roads,lack of healthcare,lack of drinkable water) most especially in the rural areas.My plans when I return to Africa will be the development of my country Nigeria (firstly my state of residence and then my state of origin) with world standard constructions by rendering my services both in my area of expertise and outside my field when and anywhere needed.

Secondly, I'm planning on starting a Firm in collaboration with other indigenous Engineers in all aspect for us to be more successful in the country and in life and to be able to help create a more sustainable future.

Thirdly, In the nearest future, I will make sure I establish a NGO(Non Governmental Organization) under which part of our sole purpose will be to create a scheme in order to support young children from the Grassroots helping them make their dream become a reality. Doing this will help a lot of families reduce their finances to ease the payment of their children/wards, In conclusion we will help create a vibrant future for the less privileged and also make Nigeria and Africa a greater place for all African child without depending on a brighter future overseas.

Habeeb, I am not sure what the purpose of this essay is. Since you forgot to post the prompt requirement or instructions for this essay, I am unable to determine the actual objective of your essay. That said, I hope that you can find the time to supply us with the instructions or prompt for your essay so that we can better review your work.

A word of advice though. When you are writing an academic paper, which this essay is, you must refrain from writing in all caps. That is considered an insult to the reviewer and it received on the readers end as you shouting at the person. I understand that you are trying to emphasize the pledge of allegiance to your country but that is not the proper way to do it. You must write it instead as a quotation within the paragraph, in Italics if need be to draw attention and emphasis to your words. Do not use all caps and do not use bold letters to emphasize either. Simple quotation marks and italics will be more respectful towards the reader.

I will withhold the rest of my comments until I learn what you are trying to establish with this essay. Once I know what your instructions or requirements are, I will be able to better assess your essay and provide you with more relevant comments. Keep in mind though, my advice about the all caps is something that will not change. You must revise that portion to meet the academic standards of essay writing.

@Holt
Describe your motivation and commitment to return to Africa after graduation and outline a brief proposal detailing your plans for when you return to Africa.

That's the essay question

Habeeb, let's start with the opening paragraph. That is really not necessary as your second paragraph is stronger and more direct to the point in responding to the essay. I suggest that you open your statement with that. Reviewer's do not normally believe in any statements that relate to a student's childhood or elementary school days. They find that the age disproves the kind of mindset and belief that the paragraph provides. So, in order to avoid a sense of disbelief in your essay, it would be best to just delete that part. The pledge of allegiance is not important in your essay either. The reviewer will opt to believe that you will return home based upon what you say in the essay and not because you know how to recite your country's pledge of allegiance.

Don't count off your plans in the essay. Just discuss your plans directly. That way you are taken seriously by the reviewer. The essay also gains a stronger angle because you show an unwavering consideration for your future upon the completion of your studies and your return to Nigeria. By the way, you can combine the first and second reasons in order to create a more interesting and informative paragraph. Your third reason should still have its own paragraph because it discusses a more advanced plan of action on your part with regards to your future career.

Your essay states some pretty solid, doable, and admirable plans for Nigeria upon your return. I am sure the reviewer will take note of it and consider it as part of your application. I wish you the best and I hope the revisions I suggest will be helpful to you.