Thank you for reviewing my essay. I have already submitted it but would like your opinion on how it can be improved more. I studied design previously and applying for communications
Prompt: Discuss your passion, relevance of skills to applied programme and share adversities that you have faced, and how it has shaped you.
If life was the virtual world of The Sims 4, my Sim would have its creativity skill maxed out. I am always expressing myself in countless ways, whether I am freestyling in the dance studio or sketching on a blank page. These experiences have taught me that creativity is an inherent part of human nature.
My internship at [company A] was an eye-opener in learning the importance of narratives. From quirky copy to trend-inspired content creation, I was greatly inspired by how they crafted messages that resonated with the audience. As a Junior Graphic Designer, my work comprised graphic design for well-known public accounts, and I would receive constructive feedback - leaving me feeling disappointed and defensive. However, I came to understand that the agency was pushing me to my fullest potential. Over time, I gained a better understanding of how to effectively communicate messages through visual mediums and applied this in my Final Year Project.
To broaden my knowledge in advertising, I am pursuing a [related part-time diploma]. We share anecdotes at the beginning of each class, such as "What is our most memorable food experience?". Learning how to tell stories in a classroom setting encourages us to consider different perspectives and get to know one another on an emotional level. Overall, the modules in this diploma have helped to strengthen my skills in presentation and communication, which are essential in any industry.
Balancing schoolwork and a full-time job was initially quite daunting. I currently work as a Marketing Executive at [company B], where I manage social media platforms to align with the company's mission and visual identity (and my supervisor's ever-changing preferences). This hands-on work and study experience allows me to apply what I have learnt in the specialist diploma and discover more about the advertising industry.
My polytechnic years were what helped me become more adept at handling several projects at once. One such demanding period was during the planning and execution of the [school concert], which coincided with my internship period. I managed to keep track of my responsibilities through a detailed schedule that included work deadlines, committee meetings, and rehearsals. Despite the hectic schedule, I successfully maintained both my internship and my extracurricular activities. This experience taught me how to better manage my time, a skill which I carry forward in other aspects of my life
I trust that the above highlights my tenacity and drive throughout every step of my journey. Given my design background, natural leadership abilities, and ambition in the advertising field, I believe I am a valuable addition to the university. I am constantly striving to improve myself, and the programmes at your university will equip me with the tools needed to advance my career. If offered admission, I am eager to contribute to both the academic and performing arts communities.
I thank you for your consideration.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 I think there is not enough passion displayed in this essay because of the mix and match approach you took to writing it. There is no clear passion to speak of, because you discussed several work related or training experiences that do not tie in directly with the passion you spoke of in the first paragraph. That passion should have been the basis of everything else you discussed in the essay. A clear direction should have been developed beginning with passions, leading into skills development, and the adversities you overcame while developing your passion and related skills. Anyway, my opinion might be wrong. Since this has already been submitted, there is no sense in delving deeper into the content of the essay. It is all up to the reviewer now.
