Nursing school - a scenario that challenged your core values & how you responded

This is my essay for one of the schools that I'm applying - nursing school admission. I am aware that there are many grammatical errors and some sentences need to be rephrased. Please read and share you opinion! Thank you

Topic: Describe a scenario that challenged your core values & explain how you responded

"Ching - Chang - Chong"

This phrase rang in my ears when I was walking down the street in Bronx, New York. It was afternoon [in March 2006.] A man at the corner of the street shouted it out loud to me with laughter. I felt as if lightening and thunder stroked me - louder and louder buzzing my head; my mind was already clouded with full of shame and confusion. It was my first cultural shock [in 15 years of my life] how some people would be blinded by prejudice and stereotypes as they simply judge me/ others simply by looking my/their appearance.

["Ching - Chang - Chong"]
I am Korean - I was crying out from my heart. However, I could not do anything but walking as if I did not hear it. Such ignorance challenged/ led me to think about my identity as Korean and Asian. Trains of thoughts/ I was inundated with trains of thoughts and emotions from my family to all teachers and friends from all over the world in school. It was a moment when I realized I was fortunate to have people around me who would support me. I was proud of what makes me unique and enrich me culturally. From this experience, I had opportunity to think about/ appreciate [what I have had for granted] and reflect my identity as a proud Korean and Asian. For once more, I murmur it to myself and laugh it off.

"Ching - Chang - Chong"

Hae Keum Chun,

I think you nailed it! There are a few grammatical errors but I think you accurately captured the essence of the answer that the question evoked.

Here are a few suggestions on the grammatical part:

["Ching - Chang - Chong"]

This phrase rang in my ears as I walked down a Bronx, New York street one crisp, March afternoon. A man at the corner shouted it across the street and then erupted with laughter. His words electrified me and his voice barreled through my head. The sense of shame and confusion grew just as loud as the sound of his voice buzzing through my head. I questioned why some people allow themselves to be guided by such hatred and racism simply based on appearance.

["Ching - Chang - Chong"]

He continued to yell. "I am Korean!" I wanted to scream, but I didn't. My lips could not move and I walked along as though I could not hear his piercing words. Although the experience was not pleasant, it challenged me to think about my identity as Korean and Asian. I remembered the lessons I learned from my family, teachers and friends from schools all over the world. Inundated with thoughts and emotions, it was then that I realized that I was fortunate to have people around me who would support me. I was proud of what makes me unique and enriches me culturally.

["Ching - Chang - Chong"]

Now, I murmur it to myself sometimes and laugh it off. I turned this once painful experience into an opportunity to appreciate my diversity and now it serves as a positive reminder of my own identity as a proud Korean and Asian.

GOOD LUCK!!!!
-kap

Thank you Kap !
This is a big help : ))

Great job, Kerri!

Chun, I like this essay. I'll do a little with this paragraph:
I was crying out from my heart. However, I could not do anything but keep walking as if I had not heard it.----The way you wrote it was not bad, but this is even better.

Such ignorance challenged/ led me to think about----either of those words is fine. I like "challenged"

Simplify here:
Trains of thoughts/ I was inundated with trains of thoughts and emotions from my family to all teachers and friends

From this experience, I had opportunity to appreciate what I had taken for granted and reflect on my identity as a proud Korean and Asian.

For Once more, I murmur it to myself and laugh it off.
"Ching - Chang - Chong"

Very cool, Chung!!