NYU Supplement - Bring any person to a special place

Hello! I am having a really difficult time writing this third NYU Supplement response. Even though I have something I would love to hear all critique because I am applying to NYU Stern ED. Thanks so much for all your help!

3.If you had the opportunity to bring any person - past or present, fictional or nonfictional - to a place that is special to you (your hometown or country, a favorite location, etc), who would you bring and why? Tell us what you would share with that person. (500 characters)

Tory Burch, a local inspiration for me, is who I would like to spend a day with at Epcot. She is an avid traveler who incorporates her global experiences in her designs. As we visit each country within the park she can tell me stories of her adaptation in each country and how her experiences influenced her collections. Gaining a broad perspective of various cultures is crucial to branch out into different industries. By experiencing the world in one place with Burch will allow me to link her stories and my experiences in the future to become a leader in this globalized world.

or if this one seems like it is not going anywhere I am also thinking I might write about Greg Mortenson in the following:

Greg Mortenson, a philanthropist promoting peace in the Middle East with education has inspired me with his broad perspective of cultures. I would bring Mortenson to the Hindu Jain Temple where I could share my culture with him. While we take part in the traditions there such as prayers, singing, and eating, I would also like to hear about his experiences in the Middle East and how he is continuing to improve the education system for girls.

I definitely like your first idea with Tony Burch with you at Epcot. My suggestion is that maybe you can talk about some likely stories Tony Burch might tell you and from there relate it to your own experiences and such. Please critic my essay essayforum.com/undergraduate-admission-2/balancing-act-18211/

I like your second idea better bringing Greg Mortenson to the Hindu Jain Temple. You said traditions like prayers , dancing and eating. Be specific what is said in those prayers , what kind of dancing and food.

I'm biased. I immediately favor the first one because I love anything Disney and I have fond memories of Epcot :). Plus it's quite an interesting topic.

However, the second makes you sound more...well rounded. I might go for the second in that case, it just makes you appear more impressive. Like someone above me said, I would be more specific and elaborate a bit more if possible. Just expand more, and make yourself sound more enthusiastic, more passionate about it. Right now the writing is great, just a little bland. Spice it up a bit :)

Overall I really like your topic(s) and where it's going.

Be careful here:
By Experiencing the world in one place with Burch will allow enable me to link her stories and my experiences in the future to become a leader in this globalized world.--- nice!!

also...

...promoting peace through education in the Middle East with education has inspired me with his broad perspective of cultures.

These are impressive responses!!!!!

First draft looks quite interesting. But conclusion in last sentence looks too generic.. may be you can develop the idea with what you have done so far in leadership positions.. what you think you lack... and how Tory Burch could complement your experience with her stories

Thank you for all your feedback! I feel like I want to see where I can go with the Tory Burch idea just because although the Greg Mortenson will make me seem more well rounded, Tory Burch is truly the one person I would like to spend a day with. However, based on that, do you think that I need to do anything to the first response to improve upon it? Or do you think it is fine as it is with EF Kevin's minor change?