Hello everyone! I'm applying to NYU, and they have a fewSupplement Essays. All have a 500 character limit, so I'm trying to keep in the limits. Any type of constructive criticism would be very appreciated!
If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be?
Lucy McGillicuddy-Ricardo, famous for playing Lucy on one of my favorite TV shows "I Love Lucy", would be the one person I would absolutely LOVE to spend a day in New York City with. Meeting someone who is just as clumsy as I am, I would be her accomplice in all of her antics. From singing obnoxiously loud and off-key, to packaging candy, to dancing the tango, New York City will be in trouble. We will, however, stay away from bottles of Vitameatavegamin.
(458/500)
Write a haiku, limerick, or short poem that best represents you:
The moon shines in the night sky
Along with the stars twinkling high
They bring to her life a new light
That opens her eyes, giving her new sight
Perfection is not her friend yet,
Although in time it will not be a threat
She seeks a place in this world of wonder
If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be?
Say It Ain't So, but one day in New York City with Rivers Cuomo, the mastermind behind my favorite band Weezer would prove to be special. We would try to learn the mandolin and sitar to add to our lists of instruments. With these newly mastered instruments, we would become performers on street corners. The loose change we earned in the hat on the ground would go towards the fund for a cup of tea to talk over. And with a walk on the town, we would compare our thoughts on music to end the day.
(496/500)
In the year 2050, a movie is being made about your life. Please tell us the name of the movie and briefly summarize the story line.
In the Long Run...
It was not the best of times; another depression had hit. People were going hungry and poor, and inflation went rampant. One woman will rise up to the challenge as the first female head of the Fed to target the villains known as debt and inflation. Follow her on her quest to create jobs and bring down the inflation rate to find the equilibrium of the economy and save the nation.
(399/500)
Please tell us what led to your anticipated major and what interests you most about your intended discipline.
Economics was not a career I planned on pursuing a few years ago; I was always destined to be some doctor or lawyer. However, two years of learning about supply, demand, and John Maynard Keynes piqued my interest in Economics. Economists strive to find the perfect balance to keep things running smoothly and take risks for it. Studying Economics in New York City, the capital of world trade, would not only provide me with a great education, but experiences I would not have anywhere else.
(490/500)
I am sorry for this lengthy post and being such a great procrastinator, but any comments would be taken with appreciation!
will work for everything until she reaches the top
"work for everything" is awkward and unclear. Also, why didn't you put your name in?
I hope to help run our world in the future.
seems too generic? vague?
Also, I feel the poem could be more interesting. It makes you seem like a joyless trooper...
Cheers,
Jenny B.
Yes, your second round of answers are more eloquent but they're also SO much more generic. I've lost all sense of who you are. I was interested in the "thrift shop" bit. And are you from Hawaii or New York? Either way, use your environment to portray who you are! Both of those cities are amazingly rich and influential.
Don't listen to Juniper_Jumper too much, stick to your own voice. You can talk about being clumsy- it's not a BAD quality, it's who you are.
There's so much you can write about yourself. Just think about what qualities are unique to you or that you want to portray.
Your poem says NOTHING about who you are, the first one was more personal. And J_J is wrong, poetry is however you want to make it.
I'm so confused by your famous New Yorker essay. I've reread it several times and I get where you're going at but you definitely need to rephrase it. Weezer is better than I love Lucy though.
Movie: You're thinking too big. Go down the ladder of generalization, or up. But have that shift from economics to a personal future experience or vice-versa.
Major: generic.
Are you applying to Stern? I know people who got in early and they all painted a large, multi-faceted picture of themselves. You have four essays- four chances to show who you are. Capitalize on a different quality in each one, possibly. Or mix and match but so far I ONLY know that you're into economics and not even WHY you're into economics.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I really do want to help you cause I feel like you can write amazing essays about yourself but you're just too focused on writing what you think the adcoms want to hear.
I love love love your second famous person essay!
However, your second poem is a bit harder to follow. I think it lacks focus on you, which is what it needs...but it could just be me.
Overall, I think you did a wonderful job though the essay could you a bit more work.
Good luck!
and if anyone has spare time, I'd greatly appreciate reviews on my essays
