NYU Supplement - A place that intrigues you - Shenzhen

Hi everyone! In the midst of my NYU supplements..
the prompt is: what intrigues you? tell us about one scientific achievement, piece of literature, work of art, method of communication, place in the world, and explain its significance to you. I'm happy with it, but I was looking for some other thoughts

thanks!

Shenzhen. A sprawling metropolis in southeast China whose population, in the short span of 2 decades, has skyrocketed to 10 million, dwarfing all major U.S. cities. An economic powerhouse whose designation as a Special Economic Zone has caused industry to blossom, overseas joint venture factories to thrive and socialist democracy to flourish. A city who, in face of a global recession, incessantly marches forward. For myself, a long time resident of suburban Massachusetts, my experience with Shenzhen was one like no other. After moving to Hong Kong, my family would frequently make the journey northeast by KCR to see my father. Compared to the small town of Shrewsbury, Shenzhen's remarkably volatile nature was mind baffling. In a furious display of mechanized succession, it seemed with every visit we would encounter taller skyscrapers, busier roads and more construction cranes. The city was a bounce house being rapidly inflated by a motorized air pump, and I was a child standing there, watching in awe. Shenzhen has become a key piece of my intellectualism today. My insatiable interest in the workings of the global economy and powerful attraction to the fickle and unpredictable has allowed me to decide. Better than any other place on this earth, Shenzhen symbolizes all of this.

AThe city who , in face of a global recession, incessantly marches forward.

My insatiable interest in the workings of the global economy and powerful attraction to the fickle and unpredictable has allowed me to decide. ------I feel you end the sentence abruptly. Decide what?

Same feedback I would give you. the last sentence seems as if the short essay has been just ended away or had died a abruptly after a long struggle to sound 'something'. Discover what that something was and elucidate it better.

Your description of the city Shenzhen is apt, but 'how' it affects you is very short and insufficient, you havent talked much about your interest in economics and its relationship with Shenzhen.

Dear Andrew,

I think Riddi has brought out a good point;
Your description of the city Shenzhen is apt, but 'how' it affects you is very short and insufficient, you havent talked much about your interest in economics and its relationship with Shenzhen.

Try to highlight the significance of this place to your own life with more emotions. You should tell the reader why you are so much attached to this place and how it has impacted your life. .

I went to Shenzhen several times. I think you should include some info about the unique culture and the lifestyle of people living in Shenzhen or working in Shenzhen, because I personally think that is the most important part.