NYU Supplements - Famous NewYorker and poem/limerick

I know this is (extremely) last minute.
I had it done before I went on a trip for break and we just got back and... I'll spare everyone the excuses.
I'd greatly appreciate some pointers, help, constructive criticism, because writing with this character limit was extremely difficult, especially since I'm not one who is particularly great with words.

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)

Beautiful, dirty, rich, as well as intelligent and talented, Stefani Germanotta, better known as Lady Gaga, is someone I would love to spend a day in The Big Apple with. Quirky and queer, we would bond at one of New York City's many karaoke bars singing to our favorite tunes from classics by Queen to hits from the late Michael Jackson. Spending a day with this especially eccentric individual would teach me to be fearlessly daring, a mindset important for any artist to have.

Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.

When some days she felt inspired,
Wonders upon her canvas transpired.
Say perchance she spotted something desired;
She worked 'til what she sought was acquired.
Suppose heartbreak, hardships against her conspired;
She'd rethink the problems, her brain all rewired.
Into all she that she did she put her soul,
Her whole heart always aflame with her goal.

Thanks, ahead of time, for your help.

Overall, I think it's great!! It's really well-written and actually has meaning. However (and I don't know if you even want to take this into consideration), I know a lot of people who are doing/have done Lady Gaga...just throwing that out there.


You don't really want to end a sentence with a preposition. Maybe "a person with whom I would love..."?

And these are just nitpicky things, but maybe a comma after "bars," and change "hits from the late" to "hits by the late."

I'd really appreciate it if you looked at my NYU supplements too! Thanks!

This seems to be good for me!
Just one thing, I don't know what you want to convey with "dirty". I don't think it is appropiate!

Good luck!

I somewhat agree with hern. If the person reading your essay happens to be a Gaga fan, he'll catch the reference. If not, it might come off the wrong way. Maybe put it in quotes and capitalize it to show that it's a song title?

I enjoyed reading this. The only thing I would think to change is in the end line. Perhaps, "Her heart aflame and lighted by her ever-present goal?" At least, that sounded better in my head. :P Best of luck. I'm a poetry novice. D:

Hope that helped.
I liked your haiku. But I think your poem has problem with tense. You switch from present tense to past. ????

Rest is good!
If you have a little more time:

Took some suggestions, thanks guys!

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)

Beautiful, Dirty, Rich, as well as intelligent and talented, Stefani Germanotta, better known as Lady Gaga, would make a day spent in The Big Apple unforgettable. Quirky and queer, we would bond at one of New York City's many karaoke bars, singing to our favorite tunes from the classics by Queen to the hits of Michael Jackson. Spending a day with this especially eccentric lady would show me fearless boldness, a quality important to any artist seeking to be original and creative.

The last sentence still seems a bit off to me :/

and I couldnt detect the tense change in the poem that someone pointed out. Also, is it too rhymey?

wonders or wondered?


I sense something wrong out here. Are you trying to say "Into all she that she did she put her soul"

oh, im sorry about the typo,but yeah, thats what I meant ^^;;
also, "wonders" was meant to be the noun, not the verb. I should probably change that word since its a bit unclear.
Thanks!

After reading your new yorker one its great, but the last sentence really sounded awkward, I think you shouldrephrase

Spending a day with this especially eccentric lady would show me fearless boldness, a quality important to any artist seeking to be original and creative.

I don't think show me is the right words here, maybe instill within me a fearlessness and boldness

i actually like the haiku..it was great and very rhymy in a good way... as for the story i agree with the person above that you should replace the word dirty other than that it was good... good luck!!

alrighty, edited once again. I really want to get this right @_@

When some days she felt inspired,
Wonders upon her canvas transpired.
Say perchance she spotted something desired;
She worked 'til what she sought was acquired.
Suppose heartbreak, hardships against her conspired;
She'd rethink the problems, her brain all rewired.
Into all that she did she'd put her whole soul,
The Flame in her heart always fueled with a goal.

Wow, your poem is great. For the other question, I would suggest maybe describing a bit more about lady gaga? I know who she is, but not in detail. Hopefully, the person reading it will be more knowledgeable than I am, but you can't always count on it! Great work though!

Please take a look at my revised question here: