NYU Transfer; Fox 11's Good Day LA; 'exploring your academic interests'

Please know this is a rough draft and my essay still needs improvement. Any help/suggestions are very much appreciated!!! Thanks in advanced!

In evaluating your candidacy for admission, we are interested in making the best match possible with all that NYU has to offer. As a result, we are curious to learn about your academic and personal interests.

Please address, in your essay response, the following question:
What are your academic interests and how do you plan to EXPLORE them at NYU?

It was around the age of eight when the media first caught my interest. While my mom was at work, my grandmother would take care of me and put on Fox 11's Good Day LA every morning. I was glued to the T.V. mesmerized by the three main anchors at the time Jillian Barberie, Dorthy Lucy, and Steve Edwards. To this very day at the age of 22, I continue to wake up every morning to watch Good Day LA. Now, I realize what has kept me watching for the past 14 years. The broadcast journalists on Good Day LA have perfected the art of story telling, they are personable, versatile, . Attending NYU will not only give me the tools to succeed in school, but also the tools to thrive well after I graduate. When I am not at school, work, volunteering, or with my family, you can find me at an award show, concert, or other event that will bring me as close as possible to all of the action and excitement of the entertainment industry. I aspire to write about the concerts I go to, big talent and small. I anticipate to write riveting stories on the singer of the band, an up and coming artist, the venue, or the actress/actor walking the red carpet at the premier of their new movie. My current college offers few courses that target my selected major. NYU not only offers my major but specifically, the Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute which offers courses such as Advanced Reporting-TV Magazine, and History of the Media to prepare me for my future career in the media. Being a competitive, hard working individual who strives to achieve my best, I am eager to experience the challenging academic life at NYU. I am confident attending NYU as a Journalism/Communications major I will have the opportunity to build a strong foundation for my future plans in the reporting and entertainment industry.

This is a great start. Your passion for reporting is here and you even mention specific NYU courses that will help you develop in your field of study. You are so close to having this essay finished. In regards to fixes, I think you can get more specific about yourself. You state: you can find me at an award show, concert, or other event. Give us more details about that. What award show? What band? This may seem small, but it will make you stand out and actually give the app reviewers a better sense of who are. For example, "Blink 182 is my favorite band" tells me a lot more about a person versus someone who plainly states, "I like music". You could also mention some professors from NYU in your field of study that you are looking forward to learning from. NYU's journalism program has some award winning professors (serious people that work with CNN and the like), so it wouldn't hurt to mention them to show that you have done extensive research on the program. Lastly, I'm a little iffy towards mentioning Good Day LA. Maybe this is just personal preference and I'm biased against the show, but when I think of award winning reporting, I do not think of Good Day LA. If they did a story that got good coverage or was up for some sort of honorable mention, tell us a little about that story and how it impacted you. Best of luck with your app and have fun at NYU. I know I did :)

Judas, thank you so much for all your feedback I really appreciate it! I really like all of your suggestions. I was also iffy about putting Good Day LA in my essay seeing as they aren't award winning etc. I think I am going to keep it in there since this is how I was first introduced to the news/media. I revised my essay with the help of your suggestions. Here is part of it:

When I am not at school, work, volunteering, or with my family, you can find me at an award show, concert, or other event that will bring me as close as possible to all of the action and excitement of the entertainment industry. I aspire to write about the concerts I go to, big talent and small. I anticipate to write riveting stories on an up and coming band such as Diamond Youth, a fairly new alternative rock band I can't stop listening to. I will inform the public on the best venues to see their favorite artist, and report on one of my favorite actresses Jennifer Lawrence walking the red carpet at the premier of her new movie. My current college offers few courses that target my selected major. NYU not only offers my major, but better yet, the Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute which offers courses such as Advanced Reporting-TV Magazine taught by the Emmy award winning Marcia Rock, and Production and Publication: TV Newscast taught by former Good Morning America producer Nancy Han. With real experience reporting and producing for renowned news stations like Dateline NBC and CNN, I am confidant these professors, among others, will help prepare me for my future career in the media. Being a competitive, hard working individual who strives to achieve my best, I am eager to experience the challenging academic life at NYU. I am confident attending NYU as a Journalism/Communications major I will have the opportunity to build a strong foundation for my future plans in the media.

I'm loving the way that you tied in the NYU professors. That looks solid and it makes you sound a lot more professional. I have a small suggestion on this topic. You state: I am confidant these professors, among others, will help prepare me for my future career in the media.

That's good. To get more points with the app reviewers, however, you might consider adding another statement or replacing your statement with something along the lines of an education from those professors is something that you cannot get from any other university.

In regards to mentioning your favorite band and actress, it tells me more about you as a person, but it feels a little too heavy-handed by the way it's mentioned. You want to go for something a little more subtle. Just by mentioning Diamond Youth and Jennifer Lawrence shows that you a fan of both. I would consider something like this:

I anticipate to write riveting stories on an up and coming bands such as Diamond Youth or report on the new Jennifer Lawrence movie premier from the red carpet.

Keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Good luck!