NYU Undergrad Supplement - What are your own academic interests? computer science

Hey there! I know I'm doing this a bit late but that's why I need advice on how I could improve my NYU supplements - Thanks so much!

I hope to apply to Stern and take a minor if not major in computer science. I am aware that it is going to be very selective and therefore I really want to have a good essay!

A. NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses.

I've had all sorts of crazy dreams when I was young, yet I retained a keen passion for business related activities and was proactive in grasping opportunities that allowed me to meet new people. The business program at Stern provides a holistic approach into the major - whether it is the technical, or social dimensions in business like leadership. As I mature, I've learned a more practical approach, focusing on actions more than merely spoken. Having a strong mathematical background, I indulged in reading almost every single bit of information about technology too. It is then I went on to build my very first desktop and follow the latest news of technology. NYU stands as a perfect match for me as it does provide me with the opportunity to pursue a minor in a different area of study like computer science.

A keen insight into how human relations work have also prepared me well for my recent leadership roles in school. Stern's social impact core would help to extend my expertise in such. Meanwhile, my growing admiration for numerous successful technology leaders have reaffirmed my innate enthusiasm in business and computer science. Fond of dealing with people, I wish to combine these two of my talents to unite students at NYU to revolutionize a field that is perceived to be common and make a true impact in the world. For instance, as a founder of a clothing brand and an online education site, I would like to redefine the way clothes are sold, or the way students are taught, just like Steve Jobs did with the iPhone. The opportunities and diversity within NYU combined with its geological edge would facilitate my goal to make a difference in the society.

Word limit: 1500 characters

I think with a better introduction, this would be a very good essay for NYU.

Thanks manny! can you comment on how exactly I should alter the first paragraph so it flows with a good intro? like which line sounds a bit weird and etc.? Many thanks! :)

any ideas guys? Thanks a lot!

This is actually a great essay. I agree with Manny but then again I don't. The introduction is strong so I wouldn't change it unless you had an even stronger intro. But overall it's a great essay

Very solid. I liked reading it. I also agree that your introduction fits in context with what you have right now. Great essay overall.

Can you take a look at my NYU supplement?