"Why NYU?" Essay written based on New York's Charm

I fell that it wont be enough for my application so I am open to your advices in order to improve it.

I gave my decision to apply NYU when I was in New York 5 years ago before high school. Besides Istanbul I have never been impressed by any other city in the whole world. It is everyone's dream to settle in New York and spend the rest of their lives. That is "The American Dream". I have seen New York before from movies: Times Square, 5th Avenue, Madison Square Garden... But, no. Seeing these places in real life made an even more impact on me. And I said to myself "This is the city that I want to study in.". After I enrolled in my current school Uskudar American Academy the dream seemed closer. Every year, I saw top students admitted to NYU and it made me think that why can't I do what they did? That was the key to my motivation. After I choose my area of study, I started to search the best schools in the USA. During my research, I had a chance to talk with people who were studying at NYU. Their opinions were all the same: " Apply to NYU, trust me, you will not regret it.". I knew it beforehand that the NYU Stern School of Business was one of the most prestigious business schools in the USA. Additionally, New York is the best city to work in the areas of business, economics and finance; and it is full of opportunities thanks to Wall Street.

To be honest, I have not seen the campus yet, but based on my friends' thoughts and experiences, it is attractive and vibrant. I am only interested in NYU's New York Campus because I think that I will not find the same school spirit in Shanghai and Abu Dhabi. Without no doubt, NYU will be my first choice in the USA, regardless of any other universities. I am willing to use NYU's reputation and global network in my future.

Kenan, the question is, "Why NYU?", not "Why New York?". Your response is not only inadequate but misdirected. You are talking more about the city in this essay instead of why you chose to study at the university of the same name. More than half the statement is dedicated to responding in terms of the city. The response must be geared towards showing the reviewer that you are familiar with the school and their academic and social offerings. At this point, you don't display that type of interest.

What major have you chosen for yourself? Look into the course curriculum and special activities that the university offers along those areas. When you respond to the question, your response should be based upon the fact that you researched the university and discovered something unique and special about it. The city's influence on this decision, should be minimal at best. Limited to only a few sentences towards the end of the statement.

Hey Kenan, I think it's good that you started out with a bit of an anecdote, but you didn't really answer the question. I suggest looking into NYU's course offerings and explicitly stating which classes and programs interest you, and how you would use these to further your academic and career goals.