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"Obstinate- to obstruct"; UVA-Word Essay 2013 (Evanescent changed me)



ttejo 2 / 3  
Dec 14, 2013   #1
Hi! This is my first time with this. The essay topic is: "What is your favorite word and why". I'm having trouble actually liking my essay. I've gotten a few yes's and a no, so I'm on the fence about this. I feel like I need to write more about myself but it's already at 299 words and the limit was 250. Please help me make it better and shorter maybe? Thank you!

I sat stiffly in the dimly lit classroom listening to the teacher drone on about words, trying not to move as that would lead me to discover cold territories of the chair again. "Obstinate- to obstruct", know it. "Immutable-unchangeable", sigh, know it. "Evanescent- lasts a second!", and I whipped my head up. My initial reaction was to repeat the ten letter word to myself. The stranger next to me probably questioned my sanity but I grinned, liking the way the word melted off my tongue. I straightened up and looked at the definitions in front of me, pinpointing my new fascination for what I wrongly believed would be the next five minutes.

Evanescent translates directly to mean "fleeting; soon passing out of sight, memory, or existence". The mere sound of the word "evanescent" joins with its meaning to produce a perfect whole. The definition is hauntingly beautiful but at first glance, I disliked it. To me, beauty has always been tied with some sort of happiness and happiness with long-lasting ideas or objects. Life-long marriage, favorable personality traits, and long books are all ideas I associate with beauty, but evanescent cannot describe any of those.

The inconsistency this word provided me with led me to experience a conflict with my stubborn perspective and my love of the word. With a short-lived desperation to use "evanescent" in public, I began trying to see the positive aspects of ephemeral events like a summer sunset, or a behaved car ride to the store with my young cousins. "Evanescent" changed me to realize that life is not all in constancy. Change brings new experiences, sometimes welcome, and sometimes not, but momentary joys exist. Striving for a planned future is beneficial, but the passing moments should be spent meaningfully, after all, they are evanescent.

varroyo79 6 / 10  
Dec 14, 2013   #2
I believe this information is not exactly crucial to getting your point across if you're trying to shorten your essay:
... trying not to move as that would lead me to discover cold territories of the chair again.
I straightened up and looked at the definitions in front of me, pinpointing my new fascination for what I wrongly believed would be the next five minutes.


You forgot a word:
The inconsistencyofthis word...

Omit:
provided me with

Doesn't this sound a bit awkward to you, using the noun form? Did you mean constancy or consistency? Seeing that you started the paragraph with describing evanescent as inconsistent, I thought maybe you were trying to compare life to evanescent. Pardon my ignorance if I'm wrong.

"Evanescent" changed me to realize that life is not all in constancy.
I don't know if you think this is better:
"Evanescent" made me realize that life is not always constant (or the adjective form of whichever word you were trying to use above).

With these suggestions, I approximate that forty-seven words will be omitted. I think; I hope at least enough to shorten your essay to 250 words.
Besides that I think your essay is really great! I was into it the whole time. :)
varroyo79 6 / 10  
Dec 14, 2013   #3
By the way, I really like your writing style. Can you help me with my common app essay as well?


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