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'Off of an auto-pilot' - Bentley University Transfer Essay


nightgal545 1 / -  
Apr 13, 2009   #1
how would i continue with this?

"____________" said the principal of my school as I slowly made my way to achieve my last goal. Right then and there I realized that this is where everything begins and that this is where I take myself off of autopilot and drive manually. While it was a tough decision at the time, I decided to attend Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York. One dream I always wanted to live out was to live in New York City and have a "busy city life" but after a few months, realizing it wasn't that great, I found myself wanting to leave a dream that I have already fulfilled. When I went to visit Bentley University I saw that the people that attended the University seemed friendly and the teachers seemed more hands on with their classes.

the quesiton is on COMMONAPP and it asks. Why do you want to transfer and what will you bring to our campus.
jianxian 2 / 7  
Apr 13, 2009   #2
make sure you make the last sentence of this para clearer. don't say the people seemed friendly, just say they are friendly. as for how to continue with this. since the question asks why can you bring to their campus you should state what have you done in the past, what talent do you have (ie. do you draw, do music?) state what did these activities bring to your life, and what can you bring to the campus with your talents. hope this helps
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 13, 2009   #3
I was thinking the same thing about the FIRST sentence. What goal were you achieving when the principal said this?

...said the principal of my school as I slowly made my way to achieve my last goal. Right then and there, I realized that this is where everything begins, and that this is where I need to take myself off of autopilot and drive manually.

Now... what will you be bringing to the campus?
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Apr 18, 2009   #4
Also, why do you want to transfer to Bentley specifically? I'm sure there are many, many universities with friendly students and engaged teachers, and I am certain that every applicant to every university would be willing to claim that on their applications, whether it is true of the university or not. So, you need to come up with something more specific, something that you couldn't write for any other college application. And, as Kevin says, you also need to deal with what you will bring to the campus. Again, be specific, and, as much as possible, unique.
michaelfrye1970 9 / 21  
Apr 18, 2009   #5
I feel like the first sentence starts in the middle of a conversation. I would like to know more about the goals. Which would probably explain better why you want to go to that university.
babydoll 8 / 39  
Apr 19, 2009   #6
What past work experiences, skills, capabilities do you already have that you can bring onto campus?

Using past work or club experiences as examples can help! I would share three examples related to your field of interests.


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