Hi, guys. I have a final essay for uc prompt#2. Now I have to reduce about 100 words or more. Could you guys tell me what part seems unnecessary & some feedbacks & edits?
Thanks!
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I graduated from a middle school in which the students were very rich; the biggest problems in their lives were things like searching for new boyfriends or trying to lose five pounds to fit in a new dress. I, who did not have five different designer bags like most of my friends, complained about my middle class background whenever they whined about their "boring futures" of running a family business that was going to be handed to them.
After graduated from middle school, I entered high school which was in a much less affluent area. Once I realized that students in that school were not very well-off, I felt superior to everyone in my new class, for that I had an arrogance unconsciously developed from my inferiority complex among my middle school friends. However, during the lunch time, I found a girl who caught my eye. With an affable smile, she came to me and said, "Do you mind if I sit here?" Then, we talked about how crazy the first day of school was, and how mean our math teacher looked. As I talked to her, I found that we saw a lot of things the same way.
One day, she asked me if I could help her with English; I was quite surprised to hear that because most parents pay for their children to have an English tutor in Korea. Especially since I had watched some friends in middle school pay over a thousand dollar a month for a tutor, I could not understand why she would want a fellow student for tutoring. When I directly asked her about it, she began to tell me how she lost her father to lung cancer, and how her mother had to work in a small restaurant all day long to support the family. I was speechless. Her world seemed miles
away from my world, and even farther away from those of my middle school friends.
I decided to help her; we met three times a week, for a year. She memorized all the words that I gave her and studied English ceaselessly day and night. After our last exam of 10th grade, she proved that she accomplished what she had hoped-- her score increased by about thirty percent. Eating dinner together to celebrate our achievement, I asked her a question that I had been wondering about for a long time: "haven't you ever wanted to give up on everything, blaming all the difficulties you have faced?"
She looked me straight in the eye and answered me with something that I could never forget. "Well, sometimes. But I am okay with it, because I know this circumstance stimulates me. It makes me work harder and harder to prove that I am not weak. You know, it's something rich kids don't have, but I do."
Ashamed, I couldn't look at her eyes straight. I kept asking myself why I had ever judged people on their materialistic possessions. Why couldn't I see the truth of life beneath the surface? All of sudden, I felt my sense of inferiority and superiority faded as I realized that rich kids, living in their protective bubbles, would never come to this realization. They would never see what really matters. There is no one to be jealous of or to look down on. We all have different benefits and experiences that can't be compared to those of others.
This experience itself was definitely striking, but I was more surprised to see how I was changed through it. Once I was arrogant over materialistic betterment, but could fix it soon after I frankly acknowledged and felt shamed about my immature way of thinking. I was proud of myself to see that I became mature enough to build my inner beauty, graduating from the level to only care about how my appearance was looked. And this is me, who knows to acknowledge and learn from the past and cares for the inner beauty. Although I haven't overcome many of my flaws even now, I know that I will become better and better as I learn and fix through further experiences that I will face.
While I taught her 10th grade English, Eunji taught me one of the most important truths about life that I will carry with me forever.
Thanks!
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I graduated from a middle school in which the students were very rich; the biggest problems in their lives were things like searching for new boyfriends or trying to lose five pounds to fit in a new dress. I, who did not have five different designer bags like most of my friends, complained about my middle class background whenever they whined about their "boring futures" of running a family business that was going to be handed to them.
After graduated from middle school, I entered high school which was in a much less affluent area. Once I realized that students in that school were not very well-off, I felt superior to everyone in my new class, for that I had an arrogance unconsciously developed from my inferiority complex among my middle school friends. However, during the lunch time, I found a girl who caught my eye. With an affable smile, she came to me and said, "Do you mind if I sit here?" Then, we talked about how crazy the first day of school was, and how mean our math teacher looked. As I talked to her, I found that we saw a lot of things the same way.
One day, she asked me if I could help her with English; I was quite surprised to hear that because most parents pay for their children to have an English tutor in Korea. Especially since I had watched some friends in middle school pay over a thousand dollar a month for a tutor, I could not understand why she would want a fellow student for tutoring. When I directly asked her about it, she began to tell me how she lost her father to lung cancer, and how her mother had to work in a small restaurant all day long to support the family. I was speechless. Her world seemed miles
away from my world, and even farther away from those of my middle school friends.
I decided to help her; we met three times a week, for a year. She memorized all the words that I gave her and studied English ceaselessly day and night. After our last exam of 10th grade, she proved that she accomplished what she had hoped-- her score increased by about thirty percent. Eating dinner together to celebrate our achievement, I asked her a question that I had been wondering about for a long time: "haven't you ever wanted to give up on everything, blaming all the difficulties you have faced?"
She looked me straight in the eye and answered me with something that I could never forget. "Well, sometimes. But I am okay with it, because I know this circumstance stimulates me. It makes me work harder and harder to prove that I am not weak. You know, it's something rich kids don't have, but I do."
Ashamed, I couldn't look at her eyes straight. I kept asking myself why I had ever judged people on their materialistic possessions. Why couldn't I see the truth of life beneath the surface? All of sudden, I felt my sense of inferiority and superiority faded as I realized that rich kids, living in their protective bubbles, would never come to this realization. They would never see what really matters. There is no one to be jealous of or to look down on. We all have different benefits and experiences that can't be compared to those of others.
This experience itself was definitely striking, but I was more surprised to see how I was changed through it. Once I was arrogant over materialistic betterment, but could fix it soon after I frankly acknowledged and felt shamed about my immature way of thinking. I was proud of myself to see that I became mature enough to build my inner beauty, graduating from the level to only care about how my appearance was looked. And this is me, who knows to acknowledge and learn from the past and cares for the inner beauty. Although I haven't overcome many of my flaws even now, I know that I will become better and better as I learn and fix through further experiences that I will face.
While I taught her 10th grade English, Eunji taught me one of the most important truths about life that I will carry with me forever.