My oldest brother has always been my strongest example in life. He made perfect grades throughout high school, got accepted to a prestigious medical school, and now he has his very own successful family practice office in West Palm Beach. My current plan is to follow in his footsteps. I'm extremely intrigued by the new College of Medicine, the breakthrough four year scholarships offered to an entire class, and the $133.3 million dollars worth of research funding. The idea of training in many of the major specialty hospitals in the Orlando area is very exciting to me. Also, after growing up in a small town atmosphere, I long to attend the 5th largest university in the nation. The modern campus of UCF really appealed to me over the older, more traditional style universities. Since I plan to live on campus, it's important that I feel at home in my living quarters, and the dorms at UCF do just that. It would be an honor to get accepted to my "first choice", and I desperately hope that one day I can wear my black and gold around campus proudly.
"one day I can wear my black and gold" - why to apply to UCF?
My oldest brother has always been my strongest example in life.
The first line is very vague. Your brother is the strongest example of what?
He made perfect grades throughout high school, got accepted to a prestigious medical school, and nowhe has his very own successful family practice office in West Palm Beach.
My current plan is to follow in his footsteps. There is a jump between these two sentences. At the beginning of your essay you discussed your brother and how he was your strongest example but after this point you never mentioned him again. I'm extremely intrigued by the new College of Medicine, the breakthrough four year scholarships offered to an entire class, and the $133.3 million dollars worth of research funding.
It would be an honor to get accepted to my "first choice", and Idesperately hope that one day I can wear my black and gold around campus proudly.
Overall the essay is easy to understand and well written. You make want to try to relate your brother back in at the end to bring the essay all together. Great job
The first line is very vague. Your brother is the strongest example of what?
He made perfect grades throughout high school, got accepted to a prestigious medical school, and now
My current plan is to follow in his footsteps. There is a jump between these two sentences. At the beginning of your essay you discussed your brother and how he was your strongest example but after this point you never mentioned him again. I'm extremely intrigued by the new College of Medicine, the breakthrough four year scholarships offered to an entire class, and the $133.3 million dollars worth of research funding.
It would be an honor to get accepted to my "first choice", and I
Overall the essay is easy to understand and well written. You make want to try to relate your brother back in at the end to bring the essay all together. Great job
UCF is a great school! Good luck! Here are my comments on your essay:
My oldest brother has always been my greatest influence . He earned perfect grades throughout high school, got accepted to a prestigious medical school, and now he has hisvery own successful family practice. It is my dream to follow in his footsteps. The writer above is correct, it would make more sense if your brother is brought through the rest of the essay somehow... did he go to UCF? Maybe helped you choose UCF by researching programs with you?
I am excited about the new College of Medicine, the breakthrough four year scholarships offered to an entire class, and the $133.3 million dollars worth of research funding. The idea of training in many of the major specialty hospitals in the Orlando area is very exciting to me. It seems like you go directly to medical school. Maybe focus a little more on the undergraduate stuff... the medical science program, microbiology program, whatever your planned major is. You'll have opportunities to work in research labs on campus, etc. Use that as a bridge to UCF being a great step toward medical school, which is your ultimate goal.
Also, after growing up in a small town atmosphere I long to attend the 5th largest university in the nation. ,(maybe something like "I grew up in a small town, so I look forward to...the large and diverse population that I will encounter at the 5th largest univeristy in the country)
The modern campus of UCF really appealed to me over the older, more traditional style universities. Since I plan to live on campus, it's important that I feel at home in my living quarters, and the dorms at UCF do just that. I was impressed by the state of the art student living and studying facilities. I plan to live in a dorm...etc)
It would be an honor to get accepted to my "first choice", and I desperately hope that one day I can wear my black and gold around campus proudly. Be more confident. Instead of "I desperately hope" how about something like I look forward to proudly wearing the black and gold.
My oldest brother has always been my greatest influence . He earned perfect grades throughout high school, got accepted to a prestigious medical school, and now he has his
I am excited about the new College of Medicine, the breakthrough four year scholarships offered to an entire class, and the $133.3 million dollars worth of research funding. The idea of training in many of the major specialty hospitals in the Orlando area is very exciting to me. It seems like you go directly to medical school. Maybe focus a little more on the undergraduate stuff... the medical science program, microbiology program, whatever your planned major is. You'll have opportunities to work in research labs on campus, etc. Use that as a bridge to UCF being a great step toward medical school, which is your ultimate goal.
Also, after growing up in a small town atmosphere I long to attend the 5th largest university in the nation. ,(maybe something like "I grew up in a small town, so I look forward to...the large and diverse population that I will encounter at the 5th largest univeristy in the country)
The modern campus of UCF really appealed to me over the older, more traditional style universities. Since I plan to live on campus, it's important that I feel at home in my living quarters, and the dorms at UCF do just that. I was impressed by the state of the art student living and studying facilities. I plan to live in a dorm...etc)
It would be an honor to get accepted to my "first choice", and I desperately hope that one day I can wear my black and gold around campus proudly. Be more confident. Instead of "I desperately hope" how about something like I look forward to proudly wearing the black and gold.