The one particular friend. College Essay for Virginia Tech.

Prompt! If you could have any superhero power, what would it be and why? (250-300 words)

Starting school for the first time in the United States was one of the most confusing and frightening moments I have experienced. My family departed from South Korea when I was young because of my father's work. Being new to the American culture, I could not communicate with anyone due to my lack of ability to speak English.I felt isolated and alienated from the rest of the students as I could not associate myself with them. However, one particular friend approached me and had helped me become accustomed to the new culture. From elementary to high school, this particular friend stood beside me throughout the years and has shared laughter and beautiful moments together with me. Every day after school ended, we would traverse the vast forest that lied behind our neighborhood and would often discuss anything that came to our minds. All those years, he has stood beside me and helped me become who I am now. He always had my back and I promised I would have his when the time came. However, I had failed to uphold that promise when junior year of high school began. Without my knowledge, he started to drift away from me and into hiding. He started to avoid any contacts with me and stopped joining me on our daily adventures in the forest. Unaware of the reason behind his behavior, I respected his privacy and stayed clear of him hoping that he would be himself again. Weeks flew past and he showed no signs of improvement. Fearful that he may be going through a severe depression, I tried to help him by encouraging him to spend time with me, but it seemed too late to help him. As of now, we have lost all contact with each other, but feelings of guilt still remain as I did not help him in time to combat his suffering. If I could have any powers granted to me, it would be the power to remove any sadness and pain. I would not want someone to go through what my dear friend had to go through. Maybe if I had this power, I would have been able to save him from the excruciating suffering he must have been going through.

Please give me feedback on any errors or mistakes

Pros/Cons would be nice too!

Thank you

Hi meinhouston! I am not an expert editor. But, seeing your essay from a layman's point of view, it looks a bit compact. I think it would be a bit pleasing to the eye if you broke it down to a couple of paragraphs. For instance, you can break at this point, "However, I had failed..."

Also, you could perhaps use some more and different connecting words.

Anyway, I like the idea of your essay. You have explained a selfless motive by an example of your friend.

\But, another suggestion, I think you should elaborate on the 'why?' part of the question. You have only entered a few lines. And, I think you should expand on that.

Please keep in mind that my views may not be relevant. But, I hope that my review may help you a little!!

Ryan, your essay deviated in focus from the prompt towards the end. The discussion is about you and a superpower that you would want to have and why. So the story of the essay should be something imaginative and relevant to your real life. It should not be about someone else and how you would use that power for that person. The focus of the essay has to be on you and no one else. This is a reflective essay based on your wish to change something in your life or in society. For example, if I could have a super power, I would want to have the power to turn back time. I have made some mistakes in my past that, in hindsight, I would like to change now because of the aftermath of those decisions. So, if you are like Barry Allen in The Flash and you have the ability to run back in time, I bet you would do it. You would change the past to alter your future. That is the sort of essay response that you should be thinking about. Think about the most outrageous power that you can dream up and explain why you would want that power. How does it affect you as a person to have such special powers? Discuss from that point of view.