Operation: Duke Supplementary Essay For Trinity College of Arts & Sciences!

If you are applying to the Trinity College of Arts & Sciences as either a first-year or transfer applicant, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something particular about Duke that attracts you? (150 word limit)

my hunger for science

Beads of sweat drip down my face as my trembling hands grip the tweezers. The sound of buzzing and the flashes of red light up the room. I place the pair of tweezers down, take my oversized lab coat off and hand it over to my cousin. The dreams of curing my patient shattered. After facing defeat, thousands of questions about the human body consumed my mind. Thus, my love for the sciences all began with the game of Operation.

At Duke, I am able to fuel my hunger for science particularly through the POWER undergraduate research experience. With hands on experiences, I can fulfill my dream of putting back to my lab coat, and answering my childhood questions. Instead of feeling defeated, I can feel triumphant, with some trials and errors along the way. Duke gives me a piece of home away from home even though it's miles away.

(150/150)

Note: Sorry if this is bad! I'm not really good at writing small essays...
Kind input please! :)

@emilyle206
Hi! I like your imagery at the beginning of your essay. However, this doesn't really tell me why you want to go to DUKE. You need to give specifics on what Duke has that no other school does. Talk about why you're enthusiastic about Duke's _____ program, which will allow you opportunities to research!

@emilyle206
I really enjoyed reading your essay because it sounds very episodic. I think you need to make your intro on why you love science short, and concentrate more why you love studying science in DUKE. Tell them why some of opportunities they offer best suits you, anyways maintain the same tone.

Best of luck!

I revised it and hope that it sounds maybe a bit better. It would be wonderful if you guys give me feedback again. You don't have to though.

I like the descriptive language in the beginning but since it has very short word limit, you can be little more direct. Otherwise, seems like a very good essay.

My love for the sciences all began with ...

Just a reminder that this is the revised version!

Really good essay, but that last part ("home away from home") seems a little too trite. Maybe, "Duke leads me down the yellow brick road, lined by biology textbooks and fungal dissections, to picking up my real lab coat and fulfilling my dreams of becoming a doctor."

I guess the weirdest part about the last sentence is the tense change. "Duke leads" "and can". If you're set on the cliche, then change the tense in the first part to "Duke will lead".

Also, in the second part, I'm pretty sure admissions knows your intended major. Cut down on word count by omitting the first part in that last sentence: "Duke offers many concentrations to choose from. The one that particularly piques my inters is ....." or however you'll word it.

If you have the word count, maybe say (a question) that's tough that came up after a game of operation and then say that "at duke you'll find the answers to (the question)". Could be a personal touch.

I personally found the first one quirkier but agree with the comments of education over quirk.

Emily, you need to be more specific about what attracted you to Duke than just general statements about classes, research opportunities and other generic information. The essay above shows your potential to discuss more relevant connections that attracted you to the university. The problem, is that you do not display a familiarity with the university curriculum, campus, professors, and other academic or intellectual opportunities because you do not mention these departments, subjects, professors, or programs specifically. You have to become more detailed in the discussion by presenting a familiarity with the university offerings. The reference to the game of Operation is irrelevant to the response required. Try to focus your response on Duke as you have come to know it, sans any future references to your study there. Respond in present time conditions instead.

@Holt
Hi!
Thank you for your feedback. So should I take out the mentioning of the game of operation and focus more on Duke? My only problem is that I don't really know how to start the essay that would make it creative and pique the admissions interest. I didn't know if I should have just gone straight to the point for the essay since I thought it could've been awkward. Ahhh I wish the 150 limit was actually 250! I will try to do revisions soon.

Emily, you can totally remove the reference to Operation in the essay. Since you only have 150 words to express the reason why Duke is a perfect match for you, I suggest that you just get right to the point. I know, most advisers tell you to create a hook, an interesting opening to catch the reviewer's attention. That only works when you are looking at an essay of at least 250 words long. With 150, just get to the point already. The number of words that the essay requires is part of the testing system of the university. It says "Show me how well you can express yourself in as few words as possible." So by telling the reviewer just what he needs to know, provided you are over the minimum word requirement, then your essay will be as responsive as it can be and better stand a chance that the reviewer will actually finish reading your statement.