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"Organizing a Fashion Show" -admission- Most important achievements and contributions



yash32 1 / 9  
Mar 17, 2011   #1
I had to write a 300 word essay on my most important achievements and contributions.

This was the prompt: Describe the highlights of your most important achievements and contributions. If you have an outstanding talent(eg. National Sportsman, run a successful business, outstanding community service) include them as well.

It is exact 300 words. Please let me know If what I have written is good enough. Any kind of grammatical errors, problems in sentence formation and structure, or anything. Please help in such way that i don't exceed the word limit. I think that I don't have a very good start. I wanted a catchy start that hooks the reader to the essay. I would be very grateful if you could help me out as soon as possible since I have to submit my application within a week. Thank you very much!


From the very beginning, I loved to be a part of every activity conducted in my school. My qualities of being a responsible and a devoted student and participation in numerous extra-curricular activities of the school, got me nominated for being the Vice Head Girl. Even though I did not get that honor, I did not lose hope. After facing the tough elections for the Student Body, I got the opportunity to be the Vice Captain of Wisdom House. In the subsequent year I was acknowledged as the Captain. It was then that I learnt to be more responsible and agile. Encouraging my house members to participate in house activities, solving their problems, enjoying every victory with them, conducting house meetings and motivating them to work in unity, it all involved a great deal of diligence. We won various inter-house competitions. Leading a contingent of 30 students in the march past event wasn't a child's play. It was through persistent efforts and days of practice that we achieved the first prize in the competition.

Organizing a Fashion Show for 12th standard farewell function was my best achievement. I learnt the significance of being behind the scenes. Who could have ever imagined that dresses could be made out of used tissue paper, newspaper, magazines, polythene and waste paper bags? Designing clothes, selecting students for modeling, getting the materials, music and lightings arranged on time, designing backdrops and assigning duties, all this was a very challenging experience. I had to use my creativity and imagination and most importantly, get work done in teams. The show was such a great success that we were given the opportunity to showcase it in front of the whole school.

All my achievements and endeavors have made me strong enough to deal with the challenges of life.

mintchoco 4 / 8  
Mar 18, 2011   #2
I think i definitely can see your efforts in this essay. However, i would suggest you to have a better transition (or connection) of the first and second paragraph. Besides, your experiences are good, but you might want to reveal your personalities or characteristics more by presenting these experiences/activities. Where you mentioned the fashion show and your creativity/imagination is good, i like it. Just try to think to make it more stronger and attractive. I think that will make this essay more appealing. :)
OP yash32 1 / 9  
Mar 18, 2011   #3
Thanks for the suggestion. I'll try to edit it! thanks!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Mar 22, 2011   #4
...wasn't a child's play.

...music and lighting arranged on time, designing backdrops and assigning ...

This is good writing! You don't need much help. Already, you will do well with this essay. But I want to mention that if I were you I would want the essay to show my seriousness about the course of study I am about to begin. I want the essay to show that some of your most important achievements are related to your chosen careers.

(Remember, you might have 10 different careers in your life, so choose one now without hesitation.)

:-)
OP yash32 1 / 9  
Mar 22, 2011   #5
Thank you!

You're right I have already faced the problem of choosing a career for me. I seem to be interested in everything! But then I realized that I have outstanding managing and leadership qualities. So, I thought of going for Business Management. Later, I found that I am extremely good in Information Technology also. I had been scoring good grades consistently in IT. So, I'm going for IT + Business synergy course as my first choice. My second choice is Business Management.

:)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Mar 25, 2011   #6
Well, maybe you will do all of them. That is how things seem to happen in the 21st century. :-) Do well! You are a good communicator.


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