"my own creativity and analytical thinking to manage business" - F.I.T admission

-Hi, I am a High School student , graduating this yr, applying to the Fashion Institute of Technology.This is my admission essay apart of my application.Please read and edit , thank you!

I consider myself to be an excellent candidate for Fashion Institute of Technology! I have the eager to turn my dreams into reality. I also have the potential to become a successful student and I have faith that I will.

I am applying for the major of Fashion Merchandise and Management. This major is best for me because I want to develop the skills required, not only to manage a business but to also throw my own creativity in with a mix of analytical thinking. The fashion Industry has always interested me. Earning a degree in Fashion Merchandise and Management would be they key to a new beginning. It's the start of a successful merchandise manager who has mastered all obstacles.

When I was younger I would always sketch various types of formal and casual clothing. Fashion Design was my first passion, but over the years I've leaned closer to the business side of fashion. I've learned that there was much more to fashion besides design.

My grades are not the only reflection of my personality or abilities. There is so much more inside of me that I am anxious to share with my peers and professors at The Fashion Institute of Technology. I know that if I was accepted I would be held full accountable of proving that statement, and I am 100% willing and ready to. This is my chance to go above and beyond my expectations.

On February 15, 2011 my mother & I visited Fashion Institute of Technology I got the full effect of exactly what it would be like to attend the school. My family and I enjoyed the tour and felt very welcomed. I myself loved everything I seen, including the people, programs, and classroom setups, and clubs. There are many other colleges that were suggested to me but non compare to The Fashion Institute of Technology. What better place to earn a degree in Fashion Marketing and Design than the home of fashion itself, New York City! I got a great vibe of the school. I felt as though I was already a student. The Fashion Institute of Technology is the clearly the perfect school for me and I am anxious to start a new beginning to strive for nothing but the best.

Yes, the word eager is an adjective. So, you cannot have eager. You can have eagerness or desire, as Jerry said.

Great corrections, Jerry!

In addition to that advice, I want to mention that it will help if you try to express your main idea in ONE SENTENCE and add that sentence to the end of the first paragraph. By doing that, you'll sharpen the experience of the reader.

I think you should try to type it with all the corrections Jerry made. Do you have any questions? I want to have you practice in the post below by typing it with these corrections.

Jerry, I am going to go see if you have any threads that I can help with. You really did something great here.

Thanks, Kevin! I have not uploaded any threads yet. I'm not currently in any courses where there's essay writing going on. However, once I have essays to write again, I will definitely upload them to get input.

Well, Jerry it's great that you are helping so many people. If you sign up as a contributor, you can use EssayForum on your resume, applications, etc. I mention that just because it's the best thanks I can offer. Do you see the link to the EF Contributors page? (at the bottom of the screen)

Kevin, I do see the link, and I will check it out. I would be more than happy to a contributer.

Thanks guys! this helped alot ! I've already re-typed it ,made all the corrections over and sent it to the college. Thanks again!