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'my passion for medicine' - USC Supplement Essay



ssm28 1 / 3  
Jan 9, 2012   #1
Honest opinions are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections. (3500 characters)-

During my journey to adolescence, my passion for medicine has only grown more vibrant. As a young girl, despite knowing that I was only wearing plastic scrubs, hanging a plastic stethoscope around my neck and holding a scribbled-on notepad in my baby hands, the view in front of me was no less than a gruesome hospital scene I much too often watched on television. My dad, lying in front of me, did not just have red magic marker staining his chest; to me, he was hurt in a car accident, a shear of glass had cut right through his heart, and I, the surgeon, needed to fix it. I have always been particularly drawn towards problem-solving and my need to help others around me is enormous. I enjoy challenges towards rewarding objectives, and despite how tough and dedicated of a career choice it is, medicine can be immensely gratifying. The patients that I interacted with during my internship at a cardiologist's office during my senior year of high school all had one thing in common other than unfortunate heart problems; they were immeasurably appreciative of the cardiologists that ultimately saved their lives. The purpose of medicine is not to know the disease, but instead to relieve the suffering it causes. In attending the University of Southern California, I hope I can discover an answer to a question that has left me in amazement of the human body for a long while now; how can our bodies be responsible for everything we do and are? The complexity of the human mind and body not only baffles, but intrigues me. By tutoring a semi-autistic teenage boy named Noah in his studies for months now and witnessing first-hand his improvements, I have realized that my desire in life is to heal hurting children. No matter if it is physical pain, or emotional grief such as Noah receives from his peers in school who fail to recognize his special needs; the feeling of making a child happy is inexplicable. My desire to heal was furthermore illuminated after I took AP Psychology and Anatomy & Physiology classes in high school. There is no question that USC exceeds an excellent reputation of science classes and professors, and being accepted to attend such a prestigious university would be an absolute honor. In addition to outstanding academic achievements, the small teacher-to-student ratio that USC offers is ideal for a student like me who learns best in a vigorous environment where teachers can focus on their student's individual needs. Through USC Study Abroad programs, I can travel to one of twenty-eight diverse countries such as Germany and Egypt, where my knowledge on biological sciences will be thoroughly enriched in unique ways through programs exclusive to USC. Using the knowledge I will gain from USC, I intend on helping children in third-world countries where medical advancements and technology are nowhere near as highly acclaimed as America's. I am eager to be involved in relief organizations and take advantage of the various clubs that USC offers to its Trojans. I am ready and excited to enjoy the rich atmosphere that is selective to USC in a beautiful location, while at the same time, learn about the wonders of the human body and mind in classes taught by impeccable professors. For the next four years, I look forward to being a proud member of USC's Trojan Class of 2016!

linhnguyen2112 3 / 6  
Jan 9, 2012   #2
Hi Shanzay, I have some feedbacks for your essay.

You did a good job of showing your motivation and your passion for medicine. However, I would recommend you to be more specific in aspects of USC that attracted you.

- In attending the University of Southern California, I hope I can discover an answer to a question that has left me in amazement of the human body for a long while now; how can our bodies be responsible for everything we do and are? -> how can you find the answer to your question by studying in USC? (and I think you don't need to put a "?" at the end of the sentence. A dot maybe more logical here.

- ... exceeds an excellent reputation of science classes and professors -> there are many colleges like this. Why don't you be more specific, may be by mentioning a prof whom you found impressive?

- small teacher-to-student ratio -> it's not something unique of USC.

- beautiful location -> write the name of the location.

- impeccable professors -> as I said above, be more specific.

A good Why essay is the one that doesn't make any sense if you replace a school's name by another school's one. Just my opinion, hope it helps. Please read my essay if you can :)
need_advice 6 / 21  
Jan 10, 2012   #3
This essay is great! I would just take out the last sentence, its unnecessary to prove your point.
Change and despite how tough and dedicated of a career choice it is to "despite the strong-willed dedication required of this career choice... or something like that. Otherwise I think all of your grammatical errors have been fixed for you^^.

If you have any suggestions for my "due tonite GWU" essay I'd really appreciate it! :)
saurabh93 11 / 94  
Jan 10, 2012   #4
This is a good essay because I like how you bring out the person within you and that you don't get too technical, and I am sure the the admissions officers would be pleased.

If time, then can you please look at my essay? :]
aisl09 2 / 6  
Jan 22, 2012   #5
I really like this essay because you do a great job of giving insight to your interests and personality. Also you wrote about the internship so USC will know you have experience with your field of interest and that is always a good thing. :)


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