PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW IS THE ESSAY
I come from a world where dreams and aspirations are not just words but a reality. I come from a community very few people know about - Dawoodi Bohra Community. We have always been taught to follow our dreams. My dreams have been inspired not just by my community but by my parents. My community has always placed high importance on education both worldly and religiously. My parents being strong believers have always let helped me excel in my studies. They have given me vision and wisdom of what do with my life.
My passion for medicine became my life line when I understood what medicine means in my community. It is considered a scared profession because of its life-saving capacity. When a child opens his eyes, in our community, he is first taught about his parents and then the Holy leader. My religion teaches me that life is in God's hands, but God has given the ability to men to save and preserve it. As such, the most admirable profession to our Holy leader is being 'doctor'. Since I have been fortunate enough to receive many countless blessings from the Holy leader personally, I vowed in my heart to do everything that pleases Him.
My parents particularly my mom is the second tool that shaped my dreams and aspirations.
Being the youngest in the family, my parents and sisters have always indulged in my every say. When I was a kid, I loved to play pretend with my sisters where I would be a doctor. At this age, kids mostly pretend to be magicians, scientists and engineers whereas I always pretended to be a doctor. This is probably because I have heard my mom saying that how she wanted to be a doctor. Even though she got the admission in the best medical school, she couldn't go because it was far from home.
Now here I am, thousands of miles away from my parents to pursue not just a dream but the beginning of a new life. My community, religion and parents are not just the fuel behind my passion but are the fire in my passion thriving me to make my dream a reality. The journey has just started and I know it will be difficult but I have my family, culture and passion to help me and guide me to my destination.
I love the essay, I am thinking of a correction but I can't think of any. You did a fairly good job,Please critique mine too
But I think you should give it to someone that is well versed in English to further proofread it for you.I also think you should make it more interesting but just a line or two to grasp the reader's attention again in the middle will be great
Please critic my second essay
UC Prompt 2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a student whose perseverance, hard work and passion has got him this far. Throughout my life, I have seen my parents use these qualities to lead a healthy and productive life. Because I grew up in a big city, I always had much to do; thus I spent most of time with friends playing an Asian sport 'cricket'.
Cricket is a game of passion and talent. If you are talented, you will always have a passion to pursue it. Batting was my talent and quality that I believe I got from my dad. He was an excellent cricket player of his time. I was only seven when I first held my small cricket bat. My dad taught me how to play with it. We used to play at home and then at parks. Every time he sees me play, he says "You are a natural".
I arrived on the American soil three years ago with a cricket kit as I didn't want to leave my passion behind. I spent my freshman year in school miserably. I had no friends and no one even knew what cricket was. Everyone was crazy about baseball which I had no knowledge of. I had no one to play with but I was determined not to be let down by this. I researched and found that there is an Asian cricket team almost 3 blocks from where I live. I visited them and they are more than enthusiastic to let me play. Every weekend I would walk 45 minutes to the ground just to play.
Soon I made friends at school. I told them about my passion for cricket and even showed a few curious friends what kind of sport it is. I took them to my matches on weekends and taught them how to play. Now, I have my own team of Americans who play great cricket.
During the phase from being a new boy to becoming a great team leader, I learnt that when you are determined and passionate for something, you should not let it go just because everyone doesn't understand it. Being a strong team player has prepared me for the rest of my life. From basic game techniques to being a team leader, playing has taught me to be trustworthy, hardworking, and most of all, having a passion to achieve something.
