'Passion for Singing' - Common Application Brief <1000 char Response

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

As I lift my head and open my mouth, my voice escalates with every tune that comes out. I subconsciously allow the songs of Indian tradition flow from my gut, letting the Sanskrit words fall off my tongue or the Telugu alphabet come together to form poetry that escapes my lips. My passion for South Indian classical music, or Carnatic music, comes from deep within my heart, mind, and soul. I tap into my physical self, stretching my vocal chords to deliver a specific sound or nuance, as well as my spiritual self, singing the songs of my culture and religion. During my nascent beginnings as a student of Carnatic music seven years ago, I was told that I had a very strong and apt voice. To date, I have given many concerts, won city-wide competitions, and learned from renowned musicians. However, Carnatic music represents something far greater than a source of respect and pride for me. I discovered myself through this great art of my ancestors. It is a source of my heritage and identity.

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Comments or critiques?

low the songs of Indian traditionto flow from my
tongue, or the Telugu alphabet come together to form poetry that escapes my lips. I also personally like and there better than or
During my nascent beginnings as a student of Carnatic music seven years ago, I was told that I had a very strong and apt voice.

-I think this sentence should be omitted only because you establish that you are an excellent singer in the following sentence and it sounds a bit like bragging

Very well written though

it's a stunning essay, really. i love how you've not only described your passion but intricately bound it with your roots as well well done.