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my passion for wanting to help animals - UC essay #2 Prompt.



scbredall 1 / -  
Nov 28, 2009   #1
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

One quality about myself that is important to me is my passion for wanting to help animals. I had always loved animals growing up and ever since my cat had passed away years back, I always had an interest in helping animals. My cat was very old, but the vet's promise she would live longer was quite reassuring. She then began to have seizures every couple weeks, and whenever we took her to the hospital, they said there was no cure for her. They wanted to euthanize her but I had believed that some day, maybe someone could fix her. But the convulsions continued until one day, I came home from a trip and called for her like usual, yet she did not come. I found her in the kitchen lying down as if asleep, but I knew at that moment she was not with me anymore. She had passed away from her sickness and it was devastating that nothing could have prevented it. Many people everyday have to experience the pain I did because their pets become sick and the only way to help them is to put them to sleep. Losing a pet is like losing a member of a family. I want to prevent people from having to go through this by finding ways to save their pets rather than having to let them go. I want to give them a second chance.

I used to spend hours studying animals when I was younger by watching medical shows on channels such as Animal Planet because I enjoyed watching and learning about the pet hospitals and how they work. From shows about the miracles of a stray mother cat giving birth to healthy kittens to the tragedies of some horses who were locked in a barn to die because they had no one to love and care for them, but there are people who care. The people who spend months thinking of ways to create new vaccines to prevent diseases so you can ride your horse in the fields again. The people who spend hours operating on a dog's heart to give it another chance to catch a frisbee for his owner .The people who give their all to help even the smallest of creatures. These people are veterinarians and this is what I want to do. This is who I want to become. Animals have always been there to give us friendship, love, and guidance; now it is my turn to give back what they gave the world.

dman - / 12  
Nov 28, 2009   #2
But the convulsions continued until one day I came home from a trip and called for her as usual, yet she did not come.
~
Replace 'yet' with another word.

Many people everyday have to experience the pain I experienced because their pets become sick, and the only way to help them is to put them to sleep.

I used to spend hours studying animals when I was younger by watching medical shows, on channels such as Animal Planet, because I enjoyed watching and learning about the pet hospitals and how they work.

The people who spend months thinking of ways to create new vaccines to prevent diseases so you can ride your horse in the fields again are the people who really care about animals.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 30, 2009   #3
It's very intimidating to look at a long paragraph like this. Okay, I'll muster some courage and read it, but I think you should separate it into clear paragraphs, each with four or five sentences.

Find ways to streamline-----> One quality about myself that is important to me is my passion for wanting to helping animals.

I have always loved animals, growing up and ever since my cat had passed away years ago, I have felt very strongly about humans' responsibilities to look out for the various creatures. had an interest in helping animals.

Veterinarians have to euthanize animals, too, and they have to neuter them... and turn them away if the owner has no money... I always feel concerned when animal lovers want to be veterinarians. I hope you'll consider all your options and find work that you love!


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