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IELTS essay - Animals should not be exploited or humans must use animals to satisfy them


SreeSam 12 / 38 7  
Dec 2, 2013   #1
A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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Animal-powered transport, Blood sporting and what not ? In the recent days, the best creatures of the world, the animals which help humanity in many ways are being abused. I strongly feel that such activities should be seized and measures have to be taken to protect animals.

Importantly they keep up the "Food Chain". Pets are the best friends for humans and it protects our society and environment. Even dogs are used for sniffing the criminals in police department & armed forces. Also, Sea lions and military dolphins work with navy department to search the enemy divers and lost police personnel.

There are numerous non-governmental organizations and societies striving hard for the protection of animals. Even I visited the blue cross society in Chennai which is doing great on serving food and building shelter for orphaned domestic animals. People for Animals is another committee spread up in many areas and concentrates on protecting the fauna around.

On the contrary, animals are being exploited in many industries. Research Departments uses rats & cats for initial testing for medicines and even in cloning. Cow, Sheep and Goats are hunted badly for Meat & Skin to be used in the leather industry. Also few months back, it is was in the news that hundreds of elephants were poached for their tusks in Kenya.

In a nutshell, animals are also a part of this universe and it is every human's responsibility to safeguard the natural resources. Not but the least, if not protecting them, let us not be a part to destroy them.

Rachel26HJ 3 / 6 2  
Dec 2, 2013   #2
After roughly going through the essay, I think the writer just partially answered the task. The task requires the discussions on both views, however, the writer did not address the second view, which is

others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.

.

Not but the least, if not protecting them, let us not be a part to destroy them.

It seems there is grammar problem in the last sentence. Maybe it would be better if you rephrase it as following:
Last but not least, if we are not in a role to protect the animals, we at least should not be a part to destroy them.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 10, 2013   #3
In the recent days, the best creatures of the world, the animals whichthat help humanityhumans in many ways are being abused.

Pets are the best friends for humans and it protects our society and environment

I see some issues with your flow... From animals to pets which is such a small subset of animal world? Then again you move back to animals.

You can write well, but you need to pay attention to organizing your ideas in a more logical sequence that helps you present your ideas in a smooth flow. Flow is an essential feature in any essay that captures the reader's heart for your writing.
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Dec 10, 2013   #4
Not all animals are pets. Also, I find this part irrelevant to the food chain you mentioned.
The prompt asks you to discuss both views, for and against animal exploitation. However, they were not clearly stated in your essay. You should pay attention to task completion as it is one of the four criteria used to grade your essay.
CASOON 2 / 2 1  
Dec 10, 2013   #5
In the recent days, the best creatures of the world, the animals which that help humanity humans in many ways are being abused.

SreeSam:
Pets are the best friends for humans and it protects our society and environment
I see some issues with your flow... From animals to pets which is such a small subset of animal world? Then again you move back to animals.

You can write well, but you need to pay attention to organizing your ideas in a more logical sequence that helps you present your ideas in a smooth flow. Flow is an essential feature in any essay that captures the reader's heart for your writing.
Alexielts 2 / 3 1  
Dec 12, 2013   #6
This tropic sentence is suggested to be rewritten as it is irrelevant to the supporting sentences.

When you say something in the first sentence (usually tropic sentence), it is better to identify the subject clearly like "animals" instead of "they" as the reader wouldn't know what is "they".


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