I wrote this in one day back in october. I know it's REALLY BAD and I want to rewrite it completely, but first I would like it if you could give me some advice to make it better.
Personal Statement-Describe the world you come from - for example your family, community or school and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
Animals have always been a part of my world, and fill up my earliest childhood memories. My mother's interest in caring for lost and abandoned animals inspired me initially, and I have enjoyed following in her footsteps; from helping baby hummingbirds back into their nests to rummaging through poison ivy to rescue a litter of kittens. My mother and I opened our home to homeless, and wounded, animals and cared for them for as long as they needed to heal. I soon grew accustomed to the cats sleeping in my bathtub, the sparrows perched on my houseplants, and the puppies chewing on my books.
Growing up with these creatures sparked an interest within me to learn more about them. I would spend my free time running about the children's section of the library, grabbing all of the zoology books I could carry. I read not only about the birds and other small animals in my house, but also about more exotic species in far-away locales. I tuned to the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet instead of watching Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network and became amazed by the beauty of the Earth and its inhabitants. Not only did I learn of the beauty of nature and wildlife, but also of the cruelty and disrespect that some people showed toward it (?). Although I could not prevent Bengal tigers from getting poached in India, or moon bears from being abused in China, I felt that I could make a difference in the lives of animals in my small community.
At the age of sixteen, I was finally old enough to have my dream volunteering job-working at my local animal shelter. At first my duties were menial; taking cats out of their cages, putting them in the playroom, cleaning the cages. Summer came, and most of the student volunteers left to take other jobs. At times I was the only one working at the shelter, and this is when I realized that my duties really did make a difference, for if I didn't show up frequently and consistently, the cats and dogs of the shelter would stay in their cages for days at a time. The more I volunteered, the more experience I gained. That experience allowed me to perform jobs such as becoming a Certified Cat Behaviorist which allowed me to socialize feral cats, helping rehabilitate animals like Scooter (a paraplegic puppy who would "scoot" up to you with his front legs to shower you in kisses), and--just as I had in my childhood--fostering animals too young to be at the shelter.
The shelter became a second home to me, and the animals in it, another family. My upbringing has taught me that every life, no matter how small, is significant. This knowledge has shaped me into someone who deeply cares and respects the world around me. I dream of a world where everyone can have the opportunity to appreciate the vitality of the natural world around us, much I do. It is because of my passion for the natural world that I chose to study life sciences. To study something earnestly, you must be truly passionate about the subject, and I could not love life any more strongly. This is why I know I will succeed.
As a small child common opening , I would never question my mother when she would bring home a stray animal. She would bring home injured and homeless animals to the house so often that I began regarding them as friends, rather than as temporary pets. Each and everyoneevery one of those animals has impacted my life and my way of thinking. remember to show, not tell The grey tabby with the missing ear whom I affectionately named 'Star' would sit with me on my worn backyard bench and relish in the warm sunshine, watching the blue jays peck at the apple tree. These 'meditation sessions' with Star helped me appreciate the little things in life, to see nature's beauty everywhere. this isn't explained enough for you to say you now see nature's beauty Bella, an orphaned baby house sparrow I helped raise, had a hard time learning how to fly. Yet she would always hop to the edge of my bed and jump off, flap her wings fervently, then fall. This never stopped her from trying, and trying again,again and again until she finally was able to fly circles around my room (much to my annoyance) . I followed Bella's example every time I wouldcould not understand a concept. I would try my best at it, and even if I failed I would rise up and try again.
Not all of the experiences I had with the animals we took in were happy. Too often would I find a litter of kittens outside of my house with runny eyes, and runny noses. At first glance, one would think they had a cold, but in reality they had distemper, a horrible use stronger adjectives , incurable disease that affects cats and dogs, and almost always leads to death. I would take in these kittens regardless, and even though I knew I wouldn't be able to save them, I would give them warm place to sleep and food to eat until the veterinarian would take them to euthanizecome to euthanize them . Every time I witnessed a cat in my neighborhood die because of this epidemicdie from this epidemic , my desire to help these animals became stronger. I want to make a difference in the lives of animals, who are often overlooked because they are not seen as not big enough or important enough. My upbringing surrounded with so much 'wildlife, ' and has made me a compassionate and patient person, with a good understanding of the world around me.
my first suggestion would be to consider focusing on one animal throughout. you might be spreading yourself too thin here. if you do that then you might add more personality to your essay. otherwise your essay is bouncy. if this is your smaller and less important essay, then don't worry all too much.
You should focus more around a single area or animal and reorganize the essay.
"I want to make a difference in the lives of animals, who are often overlooked because they are not seen as not big enough or important enough."
Try and show this if you can.
shtickball
Do you think it would be good that instead of going into specifics and naming the animals, I just limit it to just mentioning that I have rescued and fostered animals and my work at the shelter, but also how i loved the zoo and animal planet and the discovery channel, how this led to my love of life sciences, and how it inspired me to take many more science classes then necessary at school (you only had to take 2, but I took 6). And how my dream is for people to learn how beautiful the world and the beings is and how my dream is for everyone to respect and appreciate it as much as I do. and also I want to help conserve its beauty?
Yeah
It's a bit much
I have to disagree with you because i think you have a strong conclusion. Your essay is very sentimental and truly shows you have a passion for life. The end really ties together, how your experiences have influenced you and how because you are so passionate you will be able to make a difference. It shows something about you, that you have an earnest desire to help and an earnest passion for everything around us. It is really touching.
