Please help me edit my motivational essay. Am I fully answering the question (from your perspective)? Does it flow well together? Any punctuations help will also be appreciated.
Thanks a bunch in advance ^^
------------------------- ESSAY PROMPT -----
Peace Corps service presents major physical, emotional, and intellectual challenges. In the space below, please provide a few paragraphs explaining your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer and how you plan to overcome the various challenges associated with Peace Corps service. This essay is the writing sample Peace Corps uses to assess your professionalism and maturity as a candidate. Please spend time editing your essay/writing sample (less than 500 words).
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Ten years ago, I emigrated to the United States (USA) with my family from the Ivory Coast. I experienced the unavoidable culture shock: the culture, lifestyle and particularly the language were so different from what I had been accustomed to thus far, I thought I may never be able to blend in and adjust to my new life. A few months later, I was taking English as a Second Language (ESL) classes and making new friends. I realized the importance of knowing another language. It connected people and broaden their vision of the world. My interest in teaching English grew from this experience.
I began dreaming of returning to my native country and setting up some program or school with the knowledge I would acquire from my studies. This simple experience shaped me into a more open minded person, and made me want to see more of the world. In the following years, I joined several volunteer groups who were geared towards helping African kids or families of refugees. I was helping with fundraisers and book drives yet I felt that something was lacking; I was still too far. I wanted to be there in the real action, to have a more direct impact. It was while reflecting on how to bring such thoughts to reality that I heard of Peace Corps.
Peace Corps corresponded to all my ideals. Being in a foreign country, helping people who actually needed assistance was exactly what I had wanted to do all these years. A friend who returned from serving in Ethiopia with Peace Corps strongly encouraged me to apply. The idea was tempting but at the same time, I realized what a scary and challenging adventure living in a remote part of the world could represent. After reflecting on it, I pondered on what was scaring me. I have lived in several countries before even moving to the USA. From the Ivory Coast, Mali, Canada, South Korea and Taiwan, I know what it feels like to be abroad and to be in a different environment than one's own country. Each country and city represented a different kind of challenge on the physical, emotional and intellectual levels. Though I had almost always been in modern cities, I was sometimes faced with language barriers. I sometimes got lost with no way of asking for help and cultural differences were overwhelming from time to time. On occasion, I wondered why I had come to these parts of the world but after overcoming these hardships I believe I came out of these experiences a stronger and better person. And I can reflect on both the good and bad times as a learning experience.
Thus it is strong of these experiences that I am confident that I will successfully serve with Peace Corps, if given the opportunity.
Finally, through this chance, I hope to be able to give some of what I have received in the USA back to people who need it. Perhaps it is too idealistic, but since deciding to join the Peace Corps, I dream not of changing a country, or the world; I just hope to be able to positively impact the life of some kids and educate them so that one day they can hopefully follow in our steps.
Thanks a bunch in advance ^^
------------------------- ESSAY PROMPT -----
Peace Corps service presents major physical, emotional, and intellectual challenges. In the space below, please provide a few paragraphs explaining your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer and how you plan to overcome the various challenges associated with Peace Corps service. This essay is the writing sample Peace Corps uses to assess your professionalism and maturity as a candidate. Please spend time editing your essay/writing sample (less than 500 words).
---------------------------------------------------------------
Ten years ago, I emigrated to the United States (USA) with my family from the Ivory Coast. I experienced the unavoidable culture shock: the culture, lifestyle and particularly the language were so different from what I had been accustomed to thus far, I thought I may never be able to blend in and adjust to my new life. A few months later, I was taking English as a Second Language (ESL) classes and making new friends. I realized the importance of knowing another language. It connected people and broaden their vision of the world. My interest in teaching English grew from this experience.
I began dreaming of returning to my native country and setting up some program or school with the knowledge I would acquire from my studies. This simple experience shaped me into a more open minded person, and made me want to see more of the world. In the following years, I joined several volunteer groups who were geared towards helping African kids or families of refugees. I was helping with fundraisers and book drives yet I felt that something was lacking; I was still too far. I wanted to be there in the real action, to have a more direct impact. It was while reflecting on how to bring such thoughts to reality that I heard of Peace Corps.
Peace Corps corresponded to all my ideals. Being in a foreign country, helping people who actually needed assistance was exactly what I had wanted to do all these years. A friend who returned from serving in Ethiopia with Peace Corps strongly encouraged me to apply. The idea was tempting but at the same time, I realized what a scary and challenging adventure living in a remote part of the world could represent. After reflecting on it, I pondered on what was scaring me. I have lived in several countries before even moving to the USA. From the Ivory Coast, Mali, Canada, South Korea and Taiwan, I know what it feels like to be abroad and to be in a different environment than one's own country. Each country and city represented a different kind of challenge on the physical, emotional and intellectual levels. Though I had almost always been in modern cities, I was sometimes faced with language barriers. I sometimes got lost with no way of asking for help and cultural differences were overwhelming from time to time. On occasion, I wondered why I had come to these parts of the world but after overcoming these hardships I believe I came out of these experiences a stronger and better person. And I can reflect on both the good and bad times as a learning experience.
Thus it is strong of these experiences that I am confident that I will successfully serve with Peace Corps, if given the opportunity.
Finally, through this chance, I hope to be able to give some of what I have received in the USA back to people who need it. Perhaps it is too idealistic, but since deciding to join the Peace Corps, I dream not of changing a country, or the world; I just hope to be able to positively impact the life of some kids and educate them so that one day they can hopefully follow in our steps.
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