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penn state personal statemet - checking content and shortening essay



jplax911 1 / -  
Sep 20, 2009   #1
- this is for the penn state personal statemet and it needs to be 1200 characters and mine is a little bit over by 93 characters. all it says is to write a 1200 character personal statement. please help

After completing 7 years of religious study and celebrating my Bar Mitzvah, I was asked by my religious school principal if I would like to teach a class that was studying for their Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. I accepted. The first day was strange because most of the kids on the first day were asking me who the real teacher was going to be. Finally, after a couple days of convincing the kids that I was their permanent teacher I knew what it felt like to be the teacher and the one responsible for passing on the religious traditions and prayers needed to have a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. A week or two in the kids started to participate and that caught on surprisingly fast. As the personal experiences with each student grew and they also began to look up to me. I felt so proud that these kids, who did not even know me a year before, that respected me and actually wanted to learn from me. I realized that I had something to give back to anyone that needed help. Even though teaching isn't the area I want to major in, I will always know that I can lend a helping hand to anyone who needs. I've used this knowledge, patience, and confidence in volunteering for our local youth lacrosse camps, in joining school clubs, and in spending free periods at school in the CAD lab helping other students.

mikowoo 2 / 9  
Sep 20, 2009   #2
What you need is to add details. A 1200 character essay should include more imformation and description, right? Just put your real feelings into it. And let's see what can be improved then.


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