Essay: people I might live with

Hello everyone. I have an assignment and should write essay for topic 'People I might live with'.

I want to get any response which contains any helpful comments, information about mistakes which I have done and so on.

Here is draft:

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Home is the place where everyone spends a big part of their life and it is crucial to create a comfortable atmosphere at home. If you have decided to live with someone, you must carefully think about all pros and cons of living together. Despite the fact that your roommate is a good person you may encounter a lot of problems when you live together. You can't determine is a person a good roommate or not without understanding your requirements.

I absolutely convinced that neat freak is a really bad person for me to live with, because I rarely do household chores what can be unacceptable for him and he will tell me about it every time.

I found myself a positive and hyperactive person and it would be great to live with someone who also likes to crack jokes and finds it difficult to unwind. I think it is really good when you can come home and find out that all your small problems disappears just when you talk with your roommate.

On the one hand, I absolutely don't like people who sulk rather than saying what is on their mind, but on the other hand chatterbox isn't a great person too. It is better to have a roommate with character traits somewhere in between.

Usually people have different opinions about almost everything and discussing different opinions is an absolute pointless waste of time, thus it is better not to live with outspoken person. Unless it is not possible, it would be great if he will not be at least opinionated and will be open-minded.

In summary, before living with someone you should weigh the advantages and disadvantages of shared accommodation and eventually decide will it good to live together or not. Although your potential roommate is a good person your habits can be incompatible with his and it will be a reason of conflicts and argues.

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Thanks in advance.
Eugene.

Eugene, your essay has a problem with the use adjectives, verbs, connecting terms, and sentence agreements. The grammar problems however, do not affect the message that you try to convey in each paragraph. However, an improvement in the sentence structure of the essay will do wonders for your written work.

The essay itself makes a valid point regarding the pros and cons of living with a person. The real problem, is that your analysis of what makes a good roommate is not properly developed. That is because your paragraphs are too short. Since you only have one or two sentences per paragraph, which by the way, is under the required minimum number of sentences that comprise a paragraph, you are unable to properly explain your reason for the topic statements you have made.

In theory, if you go back and expand upon the topics you are discussing per paragraph, the content, structure, and weaknesses of the essay should be resolved. Although, you will need our help in correcting the incorrect grammar. If you have the time to revise your essay, we have the time to review it again for you.

Eugene,

I might say that in the first paragraph you can just switch the usage of second person to third person. I assume that you are not supposed to give suggestion to anyone, especially the reader. You just need to mention the reason behind "the people I might live / I prefer to live with..". Therefore, general view of third person is needed rather than second person of "you".

Here's the example:
- If you a person have decidedhave to decide to live with someone, youhe or she must carefully think about all pros and consthe possibilities of living together.

My second suggestion might refers to the usage of contractions. You have used some contractions in which it is not appropriate for this type of task. Contractions would only make the essay becomes less-formal. Thus, you can alter them. For instance, you can just change "can't" to "cannot", and many more.

Hope this helps :)

@Holt, many thanks for your comprehensive feedback. I will take everything you wrote into account and will try to write better essay in future.

@ichanpants89, these advices a really helpful, thank you.

I will post here corrected essay in a week and it would be great if you will have possibility to review it again.