Performing surgeries sparks my curiosity - exploring interests at the UPenn

How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania?

How should I edit this? My limit is 650 words but I'm over about 20-30 words.

the medicine field is my place

As the oldest sister in my family, I'll be the first to experience what it's like to go through the process of choosing a college and attending one. I wanted an urban lifestyle but with a friendly environment surrounding the campus while pursuing a major of biochemistry. Seeing how University of Pennsylvania had a lot of firsts in the past and has grew to become one of the best school in the United States, I had hope that I could experience how it would be to experience the hardships of striving to be one of the best doctors in the country.

I want to pursue in the field medicine, I was already interested in the College of Arts and Science because of the programs they offer and how it can benefit me. Many programs they offer help unite their students, especially if our (another word of intuitions and opinions) differ. Programs such as The Roy and Diana Vagelos Scholars Program and the NSF Research Experience for Undergraduates (REU) enables me to communicate better with others, providing me to gain insight on how researchers deal with critical situations.

Besides the environment, University of Pennsylvania has programs that sparks my motivation. My dream is to become a doctor and getting advices from alumni that University of Pennsylvania offers many off-campus experiences. With a diverse population, it excites me that many of my opinions may clash with others and I could gain a better sense of what others think of biochemistry. Surrounding myself with different people will allow me to learn new skills, explore different perspectives and gain life experience. The School of Arts and Science offers labs that offers new research ideas and also how students can unite and work together. Talking to numerous amount of people from different background helps me inspire myself with new information and new solutions.When speaking with people of all types of majors, the knowledge they offer nags at my curiosity. I want to replicate their passion and expertise within their fields as I pursue medicine. This vast courses offered within University of Pennsylvania and such a social environment will prove to quench my thirst for knowledge and lead me to success as a student.

Despite their diverse environment, their internship programs and the ability to study abroad caught my attention. Having a sense of how doctors run in the hospital in New York, I want to experience how people research or how doctors treat their patients when they don't have the proper equipment. I was a volunteer at Elmhurst hospital and seeing how University of Pennsylvania has its own hospital, it reminded me of my clinical work at Elmhurst. I had shadowed doctors and nurses in the hospital which increased my curiosity on how medicine works. How does doctor deal with patients who has a record of medicine allergies? How does the diversity of biological molecules, organisms, and ecosystems have their roots in chemistry and physics? Seeing how University of Pennsylvania have a hospital, it reminded me on the journey I've been to become a doctor.

Studying abroad can also help me gain a better insight on how different countries have their own routine and how I can incorporate their routine to mine as I proceed further in the future. I have attended an internship at California for Health and Medicine and I fell in love with the program. I was experiencing many different career options and the job opportunities that I thought I would never be interested became interesting to me. I use to think surgeons were really brave to operate surgeries and I would use to think "How can they calmly operate the surgery without cringing?" After trying it out for myself, I realized that not only do you have to maintain your mentality but performing surgeries sparks my curiosity. I wanted to keep digging into our body and discover what sorts of secrets is our body hiding. If I haven't traveled around to expand my horizon, I wouldn't have been able to change my thinking.

Shizumi, you can actually free up more of the word requirement to use in developing other aspects of your essay if you remove the opening statement that you have. That paragraph does not focus on the interests you will be exploring at UPenn. Rather, it is focusing on the location of the university, which is not relevant to the requirements of the essay. What we are looking for here is a familiarity between you, your chosen major, and the offerings of the university. As you know, education is not limited to the 4 corners of the classroom anymore. The university has both academic (in-class) education and extra curricular (after school) education that still aligns with your course major interests. So discuss those after school activities that relate to your major as part of the method by which you will pursue your academic interests at the university. Most of the information that you present is really generic and sounds more like you just read about it on the internet rather than you truly having a solid idea as to how you will pursue higher academic interests in a diverse method while at UPenn. So that is the part that you have to concentrate on when you revise your essay.